I dunno what to call this. Maybe "Love Yourself."

So, this is weird, but I felt I had to share this with someon immediately, somewhere and consolidate my thoughts in one place, because dear god, if I don't I'm afraid I'll forget.

So, think of yourself as someone else for a moment. Not... how to say... as someone that's not you as like,"oh yeah! I'm some billionaire and I have some amazing thing going on and life as great." Just think of yourself as you, but look at yourself as someone separate. become an outside observer to yourself. Look at this person that you are as if you're their best friend, or just someone passing by them on the street and you've picked up all the details on their life for whatever reason. No matter what, this is someone you care about. Hell, maybe you've got a deep, brotherly love for this person such that it wounds you deeply to see anything ill befall them.

Consider all the bad things, the good things, the mediocre things, et cetera and think what you'd try and do for this person. How you'd help them out. Maybe give them some advice, help them get something done. Don't think of it as helping yourself, just imagine they're someone you know and you have all the time in the world to help them with whatever they need, all the things that you could do to help them achieve their ideal happiness.

I talked a while ago with someone that reminded me of all the good things I could say about myself ages ago. He gave me some simple advice in regards to doing any kind of project. Imagine first the best possible outcome and what you'd have to do to get there. Start shooting for it. Never try and make something that's merely good enough. Never stop aiming for that perfection until you reach a true impasse, something that maybe were you to try and sink all your resources into, you could complete that one part but the rest would be impossible to achieve. Cut that idea. Let it go, you can't have it. Now keep pressing on, try and reach as close to your perfect idea that you can.

So maybe this person you're trying to help can't do a damn thing. They have no will of their own, they have no abilities of their own, all they have to pull them forward is you. You are their single shining hope in the world. You can be reliable, you can be there for them, anything in your power to do you can use to help them. It might be something simple like helping them clean their house, might be telling them "What're you doing to yourself? Stop that. Didn't you need to get this done?"

And maybe you can help them reach for those ideals, help them live the best life that they can. Afterall, all it takes is a little encouragement sometimes.

Myself, I've always wanted to write a fairytale... It's an odd term and I doubt it's the correct one in most people's eyes, but it's the right one for me. Maybe a lovestory would be best, but those always felt like the stuff of fantasy. I want to believe in a world where someone finds in themselves the power to rise up, fight the darkness around them and be rewarded at last with the simple joys they crave.

Maybe with these two different ways of thinking, I could write that kind of story.
The Hero's Journey.
My very own myth.


tld;dr: I'm probably going nuts, but I think it's the right decision.

most people are insecure, often people who are perceived to 'have it all.' when you spin in high social circles, it's easy to get an inferiority complex, and i suspect it helps some to have a group of people to feel superior to. for example, if you make the least money and get the least chicks out of your social circle of playboy i-bankers, aren't you gonna feel at least a little worthless, even if you make 250 and have an 8/10 girlfriend?

summary: the best way to be happy is not to define yourself by your achievements or possessions

Sad really, no one wants to be comfortable in their own skin and identify with themselves.
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I think people really underestimate the value of not giving a fuck.

In my experience, people who fuck with you because they expect a reaction hate it when you simply don't care about the shit they do.

Yet it seems that a lot of people have some unstoppable desire to react.

My life improved so much when I stopped showing regard for things that, in retrospect, were trivial matters.

I had a friend who would go around bitching about how people on some online game were unfair/cheaters/etc, yet did nothing to change the situation, like not playing in areas where such players are known to reside.

So after a 15 minute phone call about how I didn't care about the shit she was talking about because she kept doing it, and how it was an obvious attempt at getting attention and shit, I don't hear her bitching at me about it. She's moved onto bitching at others.

Plus there are cases where not giving a fuck stops shit before it even starts.

Oh, some retard wants to make jokes about you and your ex. Not acknowledging them and moving on shut them the fuck down.

Oh, you've made a mistake/wronged someone and you've apologized and tried to make up for it. They would rather make you listen to them bitch about it. Well, not caring shut them the fuck up.

Overall, not caring about some of the shit people say/do can really improve your life. It's less stressful, and it helps to keep your own emotions in check.

Yeah I have trouble keeping my mouth shut too, it has always gotten me into trouble. If I feel anyone is crossing me, or if I am just particularly upset I get really belligerent in my talking. I have been trying hard to reprogram the last 10 years of habitual shit talk, cause I am done being called a meanie.

I see people actively pursue social conventions and behaviors in ways beyond rationality...seemingly eager to be liked by others...even if they realize it's all bs

now, don't get me wrong, i also do it but i guess i tend to do it much less than the average...i just can't "accept" things to be like that...feels so fake. i know part of that is emotional maturity, but still...my rational side tends to prevail

additionally, i do not feel too engaged with daily, "human" affairs.....making me seem distant or quiet....yet when i open my mouth i can be an engaging and witty speaker....only times i feel more inclined to follow average affairs is when i have to put real effort into something and/or when i feel i am surrounded by people i like...at those times...doing normal things feels natural.....

the rest of the time....it is close to me feeling like my body is just a vehicle for the real me....unmotivated by going out for drinks or extensively engaging in small talk for the sake of it..

some might argue that i am close to being clinically depressed...but i actually feel that i am filled with energy and clarity.....yet i don't seem to find a matching external world.....


any thoughts on this?

disclaimer: yes, may sound arrogant and what not....i'm just being transparent here, saying it like i feel it.

I am truly unique. An alien. A dark star in an infinite galaxy of meaninglessness. Every action I take or do not take causes the inevitable to come closer/go further away. I have no solid rock. There is no constant but me. I have no trust in anyone but myself. And I hate myself. I am going to die, sooner moreso than later, and there's nothing I can do but worry about it.

I am a stark, cold, bitter realist. And the black coffee has gone cold. But I drink it anyway.



Isolation, loneliness, and introspection kind of rule over me now. I try to find some pleasures in the time I have left. I love music. David Bowie, Morrissey. Beck. I escape into other people's worlds. I love to read. Twain, Vonnegut. I can't handle my reality so I enter their's. I adore the dark humor. I can find just about anything funny, if only on a cosmic level. I study these people I consider geniuses, hoping to emulate them, while at the same time being painfully self-aware of the limits I have. Ignorance really would be bliss. I live with my middle-aged (?) Mom, and we rely on each other. I don't feel like I ever was young, nor had the chance to be, and it's a cold thought. And it's probably my own fault.

My room is a mess. Every once in a while I set aside time to bring it into order, but in a few days it's back to being a mess. I am incapable of keeping things in order.

I am *creative*. But I can't find time to be creative because I manage time so ineffectively. I used to think my disorganized ways were something that was a part of, or even enhancing, my creativeness. I've gotten over that as I've realized that it just gets in the way of things I want to do.

When I was younger I was diagnosed as ADHD, and then bipolar disorder. I don't take medication for either, because I've experienced horrible side effects as a result. And overall, I'm able to live my life and do well at work and school. Just not as good as I think I'd do if I could be more organized.

Some people it just seems, are naturally organized. But I pretty much spend my life daydreaming 24/7, never getting enough sleep or at the right time, always waking up tired and lethargic, always late to class or with assignments. My schedule is a mess and I rush projects because I don't allow enough time for them or forget completely, and I can't enjoy my leisure time because I'm too anxious about getting everything done.

When looking for someone, I feel like I get caught in between having to settle for someone I have nothing in common with or just being lonely.

This has been the case for so long that I just haven't even bothered with a relationship for years. People talk about perfect/ideal boyfriends or girlfriends, but that's not what I want. I don't expect perfection. It would just be nice to be within the ballpark of compatibility.

Same way for friends.


Ugh. Just talking about relationships/friendships is really depressing to me.

I would love to be around people and be a lot more sociable in theory, but I just don't enjoy it when I am.

I still insist on doing it though from time to time, mostly because it's kind of expected by society.

If I can't even find friends I relate to, it's going to be hard to find a significant other

Attila the Bun.

Attila was my beloved pet rabbit who has been my one constant companion over the past three years. No matter how awful a day I could have, you'd always be waiting there for me when I got home. The first thing I'd see opening my front door is his curious, adorable face as he hops out of his box to greet me. He lived a wonderful life that many rabbits unfortunately aren't lucky enough to have. I spoiled him. I built his huge cage myself, made sure he always had fresh hay and veggies, let him out frequently to run around the house as fast as his little legs could allow. He would always get so excited to get raisins, carrots, and slices of banana and apple as treats. He was very timid, even for a rabbit, but very happy. I took absolutely perfect care of him. He became a part of me, practically having the same personality as me.

And yet Attila was only three and a half years old when he started getting gastrointestinal problems a day or two ago. He was much too young for a rabbit to pass on. Rabbits his size typically live at least twice as long. Despite taking him to the E.R. last night, bringing him back home, medicating and feeding him, his condition only worsened. By the time I got him to the vet today, he was too weak to even move or support his head. It was a heart-wrenching sight, seeing my little buddy in such a bad state. The vet said that there was almost no chance any treatment we could have done would have helped him recover. He had no idea what could have caused this because of how well I took care of him. I had to make the incredibly upsetting decision to have him put to sleep.

I feel like a giant part of me is missing now. I loved that rabbit more than anyone could ever know. He meant the world to me. I just wish there was something I could have done to prevent this from happening. Your time came far too soon.

I'll miss you, little buddy.

Abortion is pretty much a necessity for modern life, for several reasons.

1) Without abortion, women's liberation is impossible. These days women must delay marriage and childbearing to focus on their careers. However, it would be unreasonable to expect them (or men, for that matter) to abstain from sex entirely through their mid to late twenties. True, we have contraceptives, but they aren't fool-proof; abortion is the "safety net." So either you give women the right to abortions, or you counsel them to return to their traditional role as mothers and wives. But for a number of obvious reasons, the latter option has been ruled out entirely. So you're left with abortion.

2) Similar to the first reason, abortion is necessary in a modern society because traditional patterns of courtship and mating have been disrupted by things like industrialization and social modernization. In the past, (ideally) both partners would be virgins at marriage, and they would engage in sexual intercourse only within the bounds of marriage. Whether or not this was always the case is something else entirely, but that, at least, was the ideal held up by society. But now this sort of thing is no longer viable for a large number of people. Both men and women have to delay marriage and childbearing, but they can't realistically be expected to abstain from sex for 25+ years. Even if they wanted to get married young, it wouldn't matter, because things like school, work, etc. force them to relocate constantly, typically breaking them up. So, again, abortion is needed because people are forced to engage in "risky" sex, i.e., sex outside of wedlock.

3) People just want to have free sex. They want that more than almost anything else. But, again, contraceptives aren't fool-proof. So, if they want to have sex for pleasure, abortions are needed.

Basically, what I'm getting at here is that unless you can think of a way to turn back the historical processes of the last, say, 200 years or so, you are kinda forced to accept abortion, regardless of what your moral sentiments happen to be.

As an adamant supporter of abortion rights, I feel everyone has the right to to their beliefs as long as it isn't curtailing the rights of others. And you can be pro-choice without being pro-abortion.

The status of an early-term fetus is entirely subjective and really depends on your personal history and outlook. You can see it romantically as a "potential life" or "existing life", or simply as "a tiny blob of cells that could, but are in no way guaranteed to even without abortion, eventually replicate, grow, and form themselves into a baby." Of course people are going to have different opinions on this.

And then even if someone agreed with your (and I use the word in a general sense) definition of a fetus, there's still no guarantee they'll reach the same conclusion on the value of it. You have people who absolutely view a fetus as a baby, but still see cases where it's ethically permissible to abort (or merely make an exception for themselves). You have people who see a fetus as a "potential life", but determine that it's still as valueless as an acorn compared to a tree, and people who see abortion as an atrocity like you. Then you have people who feel that a fetus is nothing in particular, but either do or don't find an abortion an ethical practice for whatever reason.

As a person who exists between and encompasses both the "potential life" and "blob of cells" definitions, I disagree with you that the potential of life is anywhere near as valuable as life itself, or that the potential for life should ever override the rights of the existing form of life (the mother) in regard to controlling what exists inside of her own body.

I'm interested in more examples of what a theoretically abortion-free utopian society would look like to you though.

I can't help it. Pretty much my entire life I've always been in the liberal tent flap, 'women have a right to their bodies,' all that crap. I've pretty much been a pro-choice crusader for my entire life, up until the last few years when I've been having some serious inner struggles about it.

In the end, no matter how much time I spend dressing it up and down and offering rationalizations back and forth, at conception, a process gets started that will eventually result in a living, breathing human being. A person with a name and dreams and a face, who WAS going to join the world, is now never going to be a part of us.

Now, abortion certainly isn't murder, but it is rationally impossible to debate the fact that abortion prevents a life from happening. A person that could of been me. I might not have my 21 years worth of memories and life experience because someone stopped my process years ago before I ever even had a chance.

As much as I hate agreeing with the neoconservative side of the aisle (and I resisted this topic for years because of it) I can't help feeling like abortion is the genuine prevention of an innocent life. A person who was going to be living and walking and breathing is now never going to do any of those things.

I can't come up with a convincing argument against this. It's morally impossible for me to support abortion rights. I feel like the fetus's right to life outweighs the women's right to choose.

I still think it should be legal (at this point in life when we have a society with so many unwanted pregnancies), if it's illegal than people are just going to do it anyway in some shitty back alley instead. But later in society when we have better socioeconomic opportunities and thus fewer abortions, I hope we can create a society that illegalizes abortion but always provides an outlet for the women to give her baby to someone, somewhere. Every life should at least get a chance.

edit: I think you should still have the right to abort if it's going to be born with disorders or the mother's life is endangered

What a strange reality we live in.

Think about it. It took us millions of us years to get here, become self-aware, and finally begun the process of creating societies.

Now we're all sitting here, watching an overweight asian teenager sing about Jesus Christ to the tune of an animated kids show about fictional creatures.

This video has altered my perception of the universe. I'm entering a new state of consciousness now..

goodbye forever, internet.