What a fucking shame

It's such a shame you don't know what you're running away from.
You have no idea how much i have for you
I'd lie to show you if you'll just give me the chance.
I'd like to tell you so many things
But you won't let me.
I have nothing left to lose now anyway, the damage has been done.

I dread the opening of schools not because i fear the exams
I fear you
I fear meeting you
I fear seeing your face
I fear listening to your voice
I fear staring at you again
I fear walking with you
I fear sitting with you during reccess
I fear talking to you
I fear you ignoring me
I fear your laughter
I fear you


Yes i'm a pussy cause i'm afraid of you. I'm afraid of your beauty
I'm afraid of perfection in my eyes.
I fear everything there is about you
I don't think I'll ever overcome this fear
Fuck you!

Chat Box

6:14am
Cannot sleep.
Cannot sleep.
Keep thinking about life.

Chatbox for you guys

I feel like i'm on fire but i'm too shy to cry for help.
Really, I can't stand the thought of me being so full of emotions it's like me being full of shit.
Cause that's what i probably am anyway, Full of fucking shit.
I'd stuff my face in poo poo and i'd prolly think i'm still fucking great.
I'm delusional and hollow.

We might as well be fucking strangers.
I don't even fucking know who you are anymore?
We don't even fucking talk properly.
I don't know your fucking thoughts at all.
I've always wanted to know you better, you never fucking gave me the chance.
So what else is there still to fucking hold on.
I never really fucking meant a single thing to you in the first place.
You're just a fucking heartless beauty.
I look to you and you turn the other way.
I call for you and you run away.
Why turn the other cheek?
When all i wanted was to make you happy to see you fucking happy.
But at what expense? At the cost of my fucking happiness?
Fucking hell, if only you know how much fucking damage you've caused.
Time won't fucking heal this damage anymore.
This shit is permanent.
I'm scarred for life.




Fuck, i'm not fucking happy.

Prom Night

Untagged every single photo of me at Prom Night cause they were really bad.
Here's one for memory sake.
Old times ftw.

Like what i told Kristie and Tariful today, I would rather do another 5 more years of Secondary School Education just to obtain a degree cause i'd rather be with my group of friends and people that i know i can always depend on and relate with. Unlike what's going on in MI, honestly there's no one i can say i'm close to at all. And the only few people i can talk to are in different classes.

ATTN SEEKER

No, I'm not a attention Seeker. I am not. I swear.
Really i'm not.

Just took a test.

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	High
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	High
Narcissistic:	High
Avoidant:	Low
Dependent:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Information --

I answered this as honestly as i could and this is what i got? What the Fuck, for real?

What is Histrionic Personality Disorder?
Quick Summary:
People with histrionic personality disorder are constant attention seekers. They need to be the center of attention all the time, often interrupting others in order to dominate the conversation. They use grandiose language to discribe everyday events and seek constant praise. They may dress provacatively or exaggerate illnesses in order to gain attention. Histrionics also tend to exaggerate friendships and relationships, believing that everyone loves them. They are often manipulative.

This i must admit is true. Every single line!

Quick Summary:
Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by self-centeredness. Like histrionic disorder, people with this disorder seek attention and praise. They exaggerate their achievements, expecting others to recongize them as being superior. They tend to be choosy about picking friends, since they believe that not just anyone is worthy of being their friend. Narcissists tend to make good first impressions, yet have difficulty maintaining long-lasting relationships. They are generally uninterested in the feelings of others and may take advantage of them.

Symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder:
Requires excessive praise and admiration
Takes advantage of others
Grandiose sense of self-importance
Lack of empathy
Lying, to self and others
Obsessed with fantasies of fame, power, or beauty

Louis Lim T.C.

I can't see nobody

Iwalk the lonely streets 
I watch the people passing by
I used to smile and say hello 
guess I was just a happy guy
Then you happened, girl 
this feeling that posessses me
I just can't move myself 
I guess it all just had to be

I can't see nobody
No I can't see nobody
My eyes can only look at you, you

I used to have a brain 
I used to think of many things
I watched the falling rain and 
listened to the sweet birds sing
Don't ask me why, little girl 
I love you and that's all I can say
You're every every breath I take
You are my nights, my night and day


Every single word you hear
is coming from this heart of mine
I never felt like this before
a love like yours so young and fine
And now as I try to forget you
it doesn't work out any way
I loved you such a long time ago
but in my eyes you'll always be

Every single word you hear
is coming from this heart of mine
I loved you such a long time ago
don't know why
And I don't know why, baby

Open my fucking Eyes someone

This troubled heartache
won't go away
I think there might be
something wrong with me
I take a deep breath and maybe
I'll stop this shaking
God please don't forsake me
I might be crazy

Am I losing my mind?
Sometimes I feel like
things are getting worse in time
If I try will you open my eyes?
And make me a part of you
like you're a friend of mine

Next time I'm losing my mind
I'll remember that to find my way out
is just a waste of time
In place of all my mistakes
You've seen through the shadows above me
No one could ever love me like you

If I finish what I started
and get swept under the carpet
I'll still be thankful for all you've done
Take a note to remind me
that you know where you can find me
I'll probably end up right back here again

Am I losing my mind?
Sometimes I feel like
things are getting worse in time
If I try will you open my eyes?
And make me a part of you
like you're a friend of mine

Dreaming's a waste of time

I could see all your dreams and chase everything tonight
It's been taking so long, why can't this be right?
And I could try all my life but deep down inside it's you
Your own love I couldn't find, what should I do?

'Cuz I don't really want this life
And dreaming's just a waste of time, yeah

I have seen all your dreams and chased everything but I
Need to feel there's something real inside your eyes
'Cuz I have seen everything that's waiting for me in life
Falling above I found a love I tried to hide

But I don't really want this life
And dreaming's just a waste of time
I don't really want this life
And dreaming's just a waste of time

Fumbling, weaken we go
And I just want you to know

I don't really want this life

Starry Eyed

Oh my fucking god.
Lol i look like a total retard now, total retard. There's another guy lol. Can't believe i actually fooled myself into thinking i still had a chance, i swear you guys have no fucking clue how stupid i feel like know. It's like i was so confident the Earth's flat, and finding out that it is actually a Sphere.

My god. Fuck me, Fuck me, Fuck me. I don't know what to say lol. I'm totally shocked and clueless as to what to do now. I just want to bury my head under the sand. I feel so cheated, so stupid, so dumb, so fucking just fucking shit. I have half a mind to laugh at myself for being so blinded by love. I guess she'll never know cos now i'm never telling. Fuck, fuck fuck fuck fuck. What else is there to say? My friends were right, i should have listened to them i was never ever right to suggest the things i suggested to myself, i was so blinded by the things she did, every little thing meant a shit load to me. Fuck i swear, i don't exactly know who the guy is i've been trying to do some detective work but I can't find anything so far.

Frustration and anger once again! Why why why? WHY? lol the dreams i've been dreaming so far, they're always the same. Me bumping into her while i'm out and i'm with another person and now it's the other way, and it isn't a dream. Fucking hell. FCKKKKK.

You didn't even give me a chance.
Now i totally don't understand why you would call me a pussy for not telling you my feelings for you? Why you so fucking mad for? Why you so disgusted for? What the fuck is that suppose to mean? Cos if you're just pissed off at me for liking you then fuck you, you "DISGUST THE CRAP OUT OF ME"

KICK THE CAT.

gwace

dick. (W) says:
*http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=12833533&id=570945331
*grace
*is so hot.

Eternal ruler says:

*eh

*stop with

*the damn gay

*photos of dick

*is fucking scary

Tariful says:

*kristie did it

Eternal ruler says:

*its*

*its fucking gay too

*tell her to stop it

Tariful says:

*its

*nice

buzz off please!

Tariful says:
*harlo
Eternal ruler says:
*hello
*dick
*im serious
dick. (W) says:
*yup
Eternal ruler says:
*tariful
*wana take
*a break
*after army
*2 years
*we go
*work for 1 year
*travel the world
*for the nxt
Tariful says:
*only time will tell
Eternal ruler says:
*after army
*u got your diploma already
dick. (W) says:
*work in nz = more $$
Eternal ruler says:
*if u get work permit lol
*bi
*but
*tbh
*i think the flights out
*will be very expensive
*i was thinking
*about traveling
*tru south east asia
*going up to china
Tariful says:
*i wanna go nk
Eternal ruler says:
*russia
*turkey
*indea
*india*
*europe
Tariful says:
*north korea please
Eternal ruler says:
*america
Tariful says:
*we gotta meet
*kim jong
Eternal ruler says:
*i want to go
*to tianamen
*square
*and
*er
Tariful says:
*protest
Eternal ruler says:
*lol
*i want to go
*to rome
*the most
*:)
Tariful says:
*northen lights please
*canada
Eternal ruler says:
*ya
*canada
*then we run out of money
Tariful says:
*then we
*sell backside
*for awhile
Eternal ruler says:
*ya
*then
*continue
*to
Tariful says:
*then we eat food
*dog food
Eternal ruler says:
*new zealand
*new zealand
*australia
*new genea
dick. (W) says:
*lol
Eternal ruler says:
*then back to sg
dick. (W) says:
*dude.
*listen
*listen.
Eternal ruler says:
*around the world
*in 1 year
dick. (W) says:
*i'll only go rome
*with my girlfriend
*okay.
Tariful says:
*with esther
dick. (W) says:
*so buzz off
*please.
Eternal ruler says:
*why?
dick. (W) says:
*i have my principals
Tariful says:
*LOL
Eternal ruler says:
*rome is not even nice lol
dick. (W) says:
*and you're definately not th eone im going with
Eternal ruler says:
*as in romantically
*i love the history
*about rome
*lol
Tariful says:
*the only time i noticed my heart is when i noticed you
*yeh
*you yeh
Eternal ruler says:
*im sick
*of education
*;p

The Pieces don't fit anymore

Okay okay. I promise, i will get over her okay. I swear I will.
I have a lot of feelings for her deep down inside my heart and i'll
keep showing them until all the feeling has gone. It won't be long
before it's all gone. She's so cold i'll probably stop.

I've been twisting and turning in a space that's too small
I've been drawing the line and watching it fall
You've been closing me in, closing the space in my heart
Watching us fading and watching it all fall apart.
Well I can't explain why it's not enough
Cause I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now, oh just leave me now
It's the better thing to do
It's time to surrender
It's been too long pretending, there's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore
Pieces don't fit here anymore
You pulled me under if I had to give in
Such a beautiful myth that's breaking my skin
Well I'll hide all the bruises, I'll hide all the damage that's done
But I show how I'm feeling until all the feeling has gone
OH! Don't misunderstand how i feel
Cause i've tried, yes I've tried
Bust still I don't know why, No I don't know why
I don't know why.
Why i can't explain why it's not enough
I gave it all to you

Time to change

I’ve got one last chance to get myself together
I can’t lose no more time it’s now or never and I’ll try to remember who i used to be
I’ve got one last chance to get myself together

The time has come for me to change again
I can’t carry on like this, I will lose my friends - don’t say that you have given up on me. Just give me the time and space to heal my head

Where are your friends tonight?

People like you are idiots! You think that music has to conform to some set of rules, has to met your standards of what is valid you act like some music is valid because it has a message that you think represents your ideas. Guess what retard, music is meant to be varied and enjoyed for the sake of itself, nothing more. If someone likes it that does not make them inferior or a poser. However, your ideas make you simply a dick!

MY DAD'S THE MINISTER OF FINANCE.

4:57 am
Mum's coming back today, in 5 hours.
I have soccer tmrw @ 11 am. I'm extremely exhausted, been cycling for 7 hours non stop. My thighs are aching, I feel drowsy, tired and bored. I've got Love of a Lifetime - Firehouse on replay, been playing it for an hour now so far.

4:58am
Had a great ride with Tariful today, played CSI with a dead cat that was lying on the road. Got hit on the head probably, there was a wound on its head. Argued with a Indian Security Guard at Serangoon Road, he told me off for cycling into the shopping mall, yeah sure you can tell me off for doing that but you guys should have seen the way he approached me it was like he was going to beat me up or something, Gave me that fucked up face and asked me why i cycled inside, told him i wanted to sit in the aircon that's all. He went on and blabber about calling the Police. That ticked me i raged and fumed inside and started barking back ,Tariful was trying to apologise, what a pussy, i was like no. Okay! Call the police. We didn't do anything wrong. What can the police do? You better chill, watch the way you talk to me. You don't know who the fuck i am, My DAD'S THE MINISTER OF FINANCE!, fuck the guy totally got his ego crushed lol and walked away.
HAR HAR HARH, That was probably the high light of the night i swear..

Life's a game of Risk

I was just thinking to myself about chances, taking chances. How would we ever know if something would be possible if we don't even try? We come up with so many theories, formulas and opinions in our head, we make assumptions and dwell on it for days, months sometimes even years but if we don't put our thoughts into practice it'll just be a theory forever, a thought lost in thousands of thoughts and what ifs.

What if we could all just ignore what others say or what others think and just try it, how can we know if we don't even try? How would you know it wouldn't work? Give it a try, don't be scared. It won't hurt. You've got nothing to lose. Take that risk.

I consider myself a risk taker, but all my life i've been taking the wrong risks, i've been risking too many chances and risking all the wrong things. I can't even think of a time when i made a risk worth taking, thou i know i probably have done a few. It's just i can't think of a risk that has made some form of important positive life changing impact on myself. I've gone through a hell load of shit in my life, i don't have a perfect life i don't have a normal life. I whine a lot. But i never think of others less fortunate than myself. Right now i just hope she's the risk worth taking
 the branch i'll never break.
 The flower that'll never die
 the heart that will never stop beating
 the sun that will never stop shining
 and
 the swan that'll never stop flying.

What if there was no light.
Nothing wrong, nothing right.
What if there was no time?
And no reason or rhyme?
What if you should decide
That you don't want me there by your side.
That you don't want me there in your life. 

What if I got it wrong?
And no poem or song..
Could put right what I got wrong,
Or make you feel I belong
What if you should decide
That you don't want me there by your side
That you don't want me there in your life. 

Oooooh, that's right
How can you know it if you don't even try?

Every step that you take
Could be your biggest mistake
It could bend or it could break
But that's the risk that you take 

Bout time i had myself some new shoes

Those are some hairy strong legs aye?
Anyway, was sitting in my dad's office and i was thinking to myself, should i get some shoes. So i went
Eh pa? I go get myself a shoe from next door? I want a new shoe.
He was like mm ok, what you need new shoes for?
Abt time i got one ah!

So went over took like 5 - 6 different pairs and finally chose this one.
I worked rly hard for these shoes! (hard my ass)
I couldn't get myself the DSLR i hoped for but yeah at least i got a shoe = )

Toilet Papers.

Went to Surge II the Night before, with Jerome,Andrew Yeo,Scott and his 2 bros, Aloysious and Coop. Paid $25 for entrance fee, drank some alcohol, didn't get high or drunk at all. Couldn't really dance properly. Highlight of the night was probably the indian guy that whipped out his cock and started peeing all over the place.

3:04am
Watching ENGLAND VS USA
Yes, i have World Cup, we paid.
It's good i guess, not keeping a close eye on the match, TV's on but i'm looking at the monitor.

3:05am
Waiting to Dota with Eric.

3:05am
Today i asked Esther out, asked her if she wanted to study together somewhere, i had to ask her out wanted to see if i could tell her what i felt about her and hand her a letter. She wasn't free :( So, never mind it's okay.
Next time i guess, I haven't asked her out in like what a Month? I feel so unmanly.

3:08am
LoL USA just scored, really stupid goal.
Went out with Kristie, Jerome, Andrew Yeo and Tariful today. Watched A-Team, 5 STARS. AWESOME MOVIE. Ate Bean Curd after the movie, played hide and seek at La Salle and had a interesting cab ride home. Can't be arsed to really comment much on what happened in the cab, it was really good thou, really really good. I'll leave it at that.

3:10am
Guess i'm going to just go play L4D2 alone now since Eric's fcking watching soccer.