I'm lonely because the only place I like to be in is my own head. It annoys my friends. But they don't have anything cool to offer and they find weed smoking inappropriate. Oh well,
In other words, I find perfection in simplicity, not complexity. There are exceptions, perfection or the concept isn't always necessary for me to enjoy something. I tend to prefer more complex music as opposed to the more mainstream simplistic music for example.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
They can take you back into the center of your mind and let you see things that you had at one point in time forgotten in order to protect yourself from going crazy. Otherwise what is known as "A Bad Trip". I'm guessing that he's got some skeletons in the closet and found them while tripping.
it feels like somebody took my heart, and dropped it into a bucket of boiling tears. And at the same time, somebody else is hitting my soul in the crotch with a frozen sledgehammer. And then a third guy walks in and starts punching me in the grief bone, and I am crying, and nobody can hear me, because I am terribly, terribly... terribly alone.
It`s like a sticky, black pool of pitch, immobilizing me, keeping at dead end and sucking me in. It`s been 8 years now... Pain is difficult to withstand... Death would be a relief... Sometimes I wish I killed myself when I was 16. My greatest challenge is my own mind and past haunting me. Everything become difficult for me, I don`t have energy, I`m dropping in lethargy... Fear... Exhaustion... Sense of guilt... Deep, terrible embarassment...
Persistent apathy. A complete, utter, shocking lack of positive emotions. The ability to feel angry is also gone. Everything seems like it's extremely hard; taking out the trash and other menial chores get procrastinated, any kind of change in work is extremely taxing. You don't have any motivation to do things that you know have to be done.
Extreme introversion. You may not wish harm to anyone, but you would love for the world to be devoid of people altogether.
It's also hard to describe how your mind feels. It's kinda like your mind is wrapped in wet cardboard, keeping you from reaching emotional reward.
When my frontal lobe came back, it felt like sunlight chasing away the cold and roaches, a crack in a dam letting murky water pour out, dead anger cells shaking off leaving almost an electric trail on the skin. I was in it for years - after, I learned/relearned how to be a human step by step.
Dear god, that emptiness, I hate having photos take of me because no matter what, I have that apathetic look. I could be high as a kite, stoned, or really happy but that apathetic look just stays true. I even see a pure lack of joy and interest in my eyes when I look in the mirror, so much so that it intrigues me to the point of cocking my head to get a new angle... But the apathy will eventually change to pure hatred, and I will hate everything I see.
This is exactly what happens when I look in mirrors.
If I make a tiny mistake, the world is going to come crashing down around me, I realize this is insane when I'm thinking it but I still think it. I can't seem to escape the eternal fear and anxiety because of my depression and inferiority complex. It sucks so bad.
it feels like somebody took my heart, and dropped it into a bucket of boiling tears. And at the same time, somebody else is hitting my soul in the crotch with a frozen sledgehammer. And then a third guy walks in and starts punching me in the grief bone, and I am crying, and nobody can hear me, because I am terribly, terribly... terribly alone.
It`s like a sticky, black pool of pitch, immobilizing me, keeping at dead end and sucking me in. It`s been 8 years now... Pain is difficult to withstand... Death would be a relief... Sometimes I wish I killed myself when I was 16. My greatest challenge is my own mind and past haunting me. Everything become difficult for me, I don`t have energy, I`m dropping in lethargy... Fear... Exhaustion... Sense of guilt... Deep, terrible embarassment...
Persistent apathy. A complete, utter, shocking lack of positive emotions. The ability to feel angry is also gone. Everything seems like it's extremely hard; taking out the trash and other menial chores get procrastinated, any kind of change in work is extremely taxing. You don't have any motivation to do things that you know have to be done.
Extreme introversion. You may not wish harm to anyone, but you would love for the world to be devoid of people altogether.
It's also hard to describe how your mind feels. It's kinda like your mind is wrapped in wet cardboard, keeping you from reaching emotional reward.
When my frontal lobe came back, it felt like sunlight chasing away the cold and roaches, a crack in a dam letting murky water pour out, dead anger cells shaking off leaving almost an electric trail on the skin. I was in it for years - after, I learned/relearned how to be a human step by step.
Dear god, that emptiness, I hate having photos take of me because no matter what, I have that apathetic look. I could be high as a kite, stoned, or really happy but that apathetic look just stays true. I even see a pure lack of joy and interest in my eyes when I look in the mirror, so much so that it intrigues me to the point of cocking my head to get a new angle... But the apathy will eventually change to pure hatred, and I will hate everything I see.
This is exactly what happens when I look in mirrors.
If I make a tiny mistake, the world is going to come crashing down around me, I realize this is insane when I'm thinking it but I still think it. I can't seem to escape the eternal fear and anxiety because of my depression and inferiority complex. It sucks so bad.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Accomplishment
I am an INTJ, the rarest 1-5% of the 16 personality types. All this time I've been resistant, now it's time to embrace myself and enjoy who I really am without any negativity or sense of inclination to fit within the social boundaries. From now on it's a path to self improvement and understanding.
I'm on a mission to the sky with the stars in my eyes.
note: Do not expect INTJs to care very much about how you view them. They already know that many people see them as arrogant bastards with a weird sense of humour and they long since got used to it.
I'm on a mission to the sky with the stars in my eyes.
note: Do not expect INTJs to care very much about how you view them. They already know that many people see them as arrogant bastards with a weird sense of humour and they long since got used to it.
There have been people in my life who meant me well, taught me valuable lessons, and others who have meant me ill and, have given me ample notification that my world is not meant to be all peaches and cream.
I have made many mistakes and no doubt will make more before I die. When I have seen pain, when I have found that my ineptness has caused displeasure, I have learned to accept my responsibility and to forgive myself first, then to apologize to anyone injured by my misreckoning. Since I cannot un-live history, and repentance is all I can offer God, I have hopes that my sincere apologies were accepted.
You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud. Do not complain. Make every effort to change things you do not like. If you cannot make a change, change the way you have been thinking. You might find a new solution.
Never whine. Whining lets a brute know that a victim is in the neighborhood.
Be certain that you do not die without having done something wonderful for humanity.
Let’s tell the truth to the people. When people ask, “How are you,” have the nerve sometimes to answer truthfully. You must know however, that people will start avoiding you because they too have knees that pain them and heads which hurt and they don’t want to know about yours. But think of it this way, if people avoid you, you will have more time to meditate and do fine research on a cure for whatever truly afflicts you.
I have made many mistakes and no doubt will make more before I die. When I have seen pain, when I have found that my ineptness has caused displeasure, I have learned to accept my responsibility and to forgive myself first, then to apologize to anyone injured by my misreckoning. Since I cannot un-live history, and repentance is all I can offer God, I have hopes that my sincere apologies were accepted.
You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud. Do not complain. Make every effort to change things you do not like. If you cannot make a change, change the way you have been thinking. You might find a new solution.
Never whine. Whining lets a brute know that a victim is in the neighborhood.
Be certain that you do not die without having done something wonderful for humanity.
Let’s tell the truth to the people. When people ask, “How are you,” have the nerve sometimes to answer truthfully. You must know however, that people will start avoiding you because they too have knees that pain them and heads which hurt and they don’t want to know about yours. But think of it this way, if people avoid you, you will have more time to meditate and do fine research on a cure for whatever truly afflicts you.
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