Omnipotent: 5/30/10

Friday, June 4, 2010

Tender

Tender is the night
Lying by your side
Tender is the touch
Of someone that you love too much
Tender is the day
The demons go away
Lord I need to find
Someone who can heal my mind

Come on, Come on, Come on
Get through it
Come on, Come on, Come on
Love's the greatest thing
Come on, Come on, Come on
Get through it
Come on, Come on, Come on
Love's the greatest thing
That we have
I'm waiting for that feeling
I'm Waiting for that feeling
Waiting for that feeling to come

Tender is the ghost
The ghost I love the most
Hiding from the sun
Waiting for the night to come
Tender is my heart
I'm screwing up my life
Lord I need to find
Someone who can heal my mind

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Out of reach.

I'm still in shock.
Trying to sum up everything
that happened last night.
It was all too quick.
Don't think it was right.

Knew the signs
Wasn't right
I was stupid for a while
Swept away by you
And now I feel like a fool
So confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
Meant to be

Catch myself
From despair
I could drown
If I stay here
Keeping busy everyday
I know I will be OK

So much pain
Takes a while
To regain
What is lost inside
And I hope that in time,
You'll be out of my mind
And I'll be over you

-Gabrielle

Emotionless

I'm pretty much emotionless now, i don't know what to say i don't know what to do. I skipped economics class and Rugby practice today. Skipped playing tennis with her and fur. Declined a invite to play tennis / gym with a group of friends. I really have no wish to do anything but just sit at home and drown myself in music.

tell him off that like "you know, i don't like you at all..please buzz off." and everyone around me are like encouraging me to accept him at all. but hell no. i have my principles and he is definitely NOT the one for me. yeap.

Yeah. i have my prnciples and he is definately NOT the one for me. yes. NOT the one for her. I am NOT the one for her. I'd like to know what's your "principles" . HELL NO. yeah. HELL NO. to me.

You've emphasized your point. I totally get it. yes i do, I understand, i know now. I'm sorry i made you feel so uncomfortable. You could have just told me straight up. I must thank you thou for not leading me on further, who knows how much misery and suffering and heartbreak i could be agonizing over compared to now.

Gotta think about it thou, i really really expected this. i just didn't think i'd find out this soon and i chose to believe that i could still make you change your feelings for me, but yeah. I don't even know if i can still be friends with you anymore. I'd really like to but looking at your convo between your friend and you i understand now it all makes perfect sense, the reason why you don't like being alone with me. You're not comfortable with me.

I really really liked you thou.I really did...

Explanation

Alright, i think i ought to share some light on what happened last night. Okay so, Esther left my place and i sent Jerome to the gate, when i arrived back at home and sat in front of the pc. I saw her email was still open, i don't know if she left it open for me to see , idk if it was intentional but i highly doubt it thou. I decided to have a peek at the "sent " folder and guess what i saw? A conversation between her friend overseas and her.

Read from Bottom to Top, please.

RE: My stalker/suitor story. haha?
From: esther sng (netball_crazy@hotmail.com)
Sent: 12 April 2010 14: 32PM
To: Jaswin Kaur (jaswin_92@hotmail.com)
HELLO BABY!
Yes yes my life is sooo ''interesting'' right? And adding on more colour to my life, theres so much more complication to my school life! Everyone's true colour is showing..and i don't know who to trust! Even talking becomes sooo challenging and dangerous. But i guess i'm gonna stay neutral. So i don't get into more shit yeah.

So glad you're learning how to be a good housewife! Cleaning packing washing..everything! Thats a good sign of independence love! :)

Seems like studying is tough over at your side huh? Saw your tweets. Don't worry, with dilligence and perserverence, you will pull through kay! NEVER GIVE UP! WE'RE ROOTING FOR YOU IN SINGAPORE!

don't stare at cute guys in class! And you know what? My eyecandy walked passsed me and i was soo stupid and shy and i didn't know how to react. i saw from the corner of my eye that he saw me but i just looked down! so wasted right?! Damn.

And i'm so black now. I mean tan. Because of tennis. But you know what? I have OLAY WHITENING RADIANCE CREAM! It works magically! My friends tell me that i look whiter! :) yay!

update me soon kay. I know you're busy so take your time to reply my mail.

Hope to hear from you soon babe!
Love and miss you. As always:)

xoxo,
Esther sng

From: jaswin_92@hotmail.com
To: netball_crazy@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: My stalker/suitor story. haha
Date: Sat, 10 Apr 2010 20:53:00 +0800

HELLO DARLING! (:

Okay, both your stalkers are ahem! Hahahahaha!!! The 2nd one is way too weird! Maybe he was too scared to offer you company back home, that's why he sort of played along the game.
Or maybe, he just wants to know where you live so that he can give you so-not-pleasant-surprises!! HAHAHAHA!!
Okok, that's enough. My imagination is running wild. Control Jaswin!

As for your suitor, first of all, he's a different race altogether.
But who cares? LOVE DOES NOT HAVE A RELIGION. Okay that's for me! lols.
Its nothing wrong if he likes you but your friends must understand how you feel.
Everything in life is a two way street. & it does not have a bright future if its just one way, but there's always a glimmer of hope.
You have your choices & Dick has his own choices. Its good to respect them like what you're doing. But a line must be drawn. You have to make it clear in a very nice way.
I put this on my twitter " Don't listen to the words, look at the actions." That's what you have to do.
Whatever it is, be polite to him. Don't forget Karma exists. Show him in gestures that you're not interested.
If he's quick, he'll get the msg. If not, make it more obvious.

Here are some Jaswin's Tips or shall I say Jaswin's Theory (Muahaha!)
1) Don't stick around him that much but talk to him really nicely when he approaches.
2) Tell your friends that you're not interested in him because you have other commitments & you like someone else. *wink wink*
3) Don't ever say to anyone that "He's not my type." Trust me, it's not pleasant. & man, when you really like someone & that's the reason why you're not getting him/her, it hurts.
4) Come up with someone whom you can say you like to save your arse! Someone from Church or an outside friend. lols.

You're smart. You'll know how to handle it baby! No worries!

College is going fine. More & more assignments coming up.
I'm like doing chores I've never done before. For example, washing the bathroom, feeding the dog.
But no complaints! I'm learning. It'll be useful for me in the future. lols.

Your birthday is coming soon!! You're gonna turn 18! Are you excited?
I really miss you baby! I miss us eating at the coffee club! The chicken lasagne was good!

Sending my warmest regards as well..
Love you as always.

From: netball_crazy@hotmail.com
To: jaswin_92@hotmail.com
Subject: My stalker/suitor story. haha
Date: Sat, 3 Apr 2010 23:40:39 +0800

hey sweetheart!

okay so i'm supposed to be sharing with you my suitor and stalker story right? HAHA so here goes. i have 2 stalker and 1 suitor in school. and i am expecting more to come.

so stalker number one:
His name is benjamin and from a different class. he is weird. haha! duh. thats why he is a stalker. he stares at me everytime when i'm in the canteen or assembly or when he passes by my class whatsoever. and he told his whole clique and i don't know how many people that he like me and he thinks i'm damn pretty and stuff like that. and he added me on MSN. so i thought "oh no harm right? just add la" but when i added him, i didn't know he liked me and stuff so yea. he talked to me. and he said weird stuff like "oh i think you're very pretty". like WTH?! you don't say that to a girl the first time over MSN or something. like his way of hitting on girls don't work for me. at all. haha. so that it

stalker number two:
hes called weng. and hes a retainee. and hes in tennis too. so that day we were playing tennis till late. like bout 7 plus. so we left school together. and then we went to the same bus stop. and then coincidentally we took the same bus. so i thought "oh maybe he is staying near me..thats why hes on the same bus". then while travelling..i asked him where was he gonna alight, and he said at the polyclinic busstop. so i was like oh okay.
then when it was at the polyclinic busstop, i said "hey isn't this like your busstop?" then he replied
"hmm. oh never mind la, i'll accompany you to your house busstop." so i was like WTH?!(in my mind,of course)
and then i was curious and suspicious, so i asked where he lived. and guess where he lives. REDHILL. i mean like i stay in JURONG and he stays in REDHILL. like totally out of the way,why is he even taking the same bus as me in the first place right?!

suitor number one:
this is a tragic story. this guy is called sahdique but we call him dick. and he is in my clique. so..i was really blur and didn't know he like me and stuff till he did really obvious things like...erm...i can't think of any right now. but yea, it was obvious. so i asked my friend if dick liked me, and true enough, he likes me. so i'm so screwed because he is in my clique and i can't just tell him off that like "you know, i don't like you at all..please buzz off." and everyone around me are like encouraging me to accept him at all. but hell no. i have my principles and he is definitely NOT the one for me. yeap.

so thats pretty much my story in school. how bout you?

warmest regards,
esther sng

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Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Eternal ruler says:
*"i know u know i like you, and i probably know the answer from your silence, and you have been thinking of a way to put it gently to me. and i thank you for that but there is no gentle way to break my soul, but i still need to hear it from you so please tell me?" lol something like this la of course you say hi first and say i've been thinking right....
*and if she interrupts u
*which is most unlikely
*lol
*just say let me finish

fuck you and fuck myself

It's a no.
Fuck it, fuck everything.
Fuck myself for ever thinking i had a chance with you.
Fuck it, just.. fuck it.
Fuck all the things i said it don't mean shit now.

Jogging.

Alright so i had a really good jog today with andrew yeo. Yup really pushed myself out there but that isn't the whole point of this post. So i was walking back home alone right, all tired with bruises on my knees * lol bruises on my knees for you (esther, cus i was imagining u as my goal to push myself forward lulyaiknowhahasoweird)* and my legs were really tired. With my ipod in my left hand and then suddenly it plays True - Ryan Cabrera, i was like going to change the song, cus you know this song's all old and stuff and i've grown out of it , not that i really listened ALOT to it, infact when i reached home right, my itunes said play count : 0.
Anyway, so i decided to listen to it anyway cause it's been a while since i heard it. And while walking i listened really carefully to the lyrics and i just went

"OH
MY
FUCKING
GOD."

Whipped out the phone, hit the "Message button" Msged Furqan and said. " DUDE YOU GOTTA TEACH ME THIS SONG, THIS IS THE ONE, THIS IS PERFECT."

I know it's extremely cheesy and old and prolly outplayed so many times but i swear this song is god damn sinciere, i can really really relate to this song, don't think i can like ask for a better one. It's bloody brilliant.

I'mma do a bit of literature here aight, SO CHECK THIS OUT.

I won't talk
I won't breathe
I won't move till you finally see
That you belong with me

Everytime we are together especially alone, i think really hard, so hard of the things i say so when i do that i end up not talking. It's like the whole word stops and i just stay there cherishing every single moment even thou we don't exchange much words but knowing that she's here with me is really really amazing..

You might think I don't look

But deep inside

In the corner of my mind

I'm attached to you

I'm weak

It's true

I know i'm a total loser and pussy for not approaching you or saying Hi, or try and go up to you and stuff like that, and i try really hard not to look at you sometimes but obviously i end up doing so anyway meh. I don't know if you know that i still like you because of the way i'm behaving being all reserved and not sharing things with you, i deserve it anyway for you not sharing your life with me when i don't share details of what happens to me at all, but that's only cause you, oh nvm i don't wanna argue here lol. I'm very weak, i can't tell you things cause i'm afraid of your reaction and every detail counts to me. :( I know right! ; 3

Cause I'm afraid to know the answer
Do you want me too?
Cause my heart keeps falling faster

Yeah, i can't tell you. I want to but i'm weak. I don't know if you want me to. And i'm really afraid to know the answer cause i don't know if its a yes or a no. Do you feel the same way?

I've waited all my life
To cross this line
To the only thing that's true
So I will not hide
It's time to try
Anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true

Yes i've waited my whole life, i've never had so much feelings for anyone before, and i can't let you go. I need to tell you how i feel about you. Everyday i see you it kills me so much to not be able to tell you how much i love you and how important you are to me, you're the whole reason why i still go to school. My subject tutor Reports all have 1 thing in common : " Sahdique is very distracted in class" You know what distracts me? You. You.

You don't know what you do
Everytime you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move
I'm weak
It's true
I'm just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know you met me?

last 2 lines: Sometimes i wonder if you even know i exist? You called me 2 days ago in the morning i smiled and thought to myself wow a wake up call from Esther so i tried to put on the " i'm wide awake voice" when i was actually fuckin sleepy cause i've only had 4 hour of sleep. And you ask me to book the tennis court for you to play with your friends. I wanted to say no, cause i'm tired. But meh w/e you know how can i say no to you? So i said okay. Immediately took a shower and went to book it for you. You replied with a Thanks but you didn't ask me to come play with you. Kay, now that's just mean, really, that's just plain fucking mean. I don't know what your excuse is for not asking me to play with you. I would have said no anyway cause i had to go to work but still, what was your bloody excuse for nt inviting me. That was very low. : \ But it's kay. I can't stay mad at you lul.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...................................................
What do you guys think? ( to the only few important people who get to read my blog)

Monday, May 31, 2010

anotha one.

dick. (W) says:
*whut whut who's dick's in who's butt?
IwantaCharizard. says:
*your butt.
*does it go that far back even.
*HAHAHAHHAHAHHA
*see what i did?
*nvm
dick. (W) says:
*lol
*fail !
*; |
IwantaCharizard. says:
*yah.
*i knw
dick. (W) says:
*that's really disgusting
IwantaCharizard. says:
*:|
dick. (W) says:
*cus when ur dick get's hard
*it wont be flexible enuff
*to enter ur butt
IwantaCharizard. says:
*LOL OKAYYYYYYYYY
dick. (W) says:
*no matter HOW long it is -_-
*now, do u see what i did there? **
IwantaCharizard. says:
*pooja: ill be all over you dick ;)
dick. (W) says:
*STFU!
IwantaCharizard. says:
*LOLOLOLOLOL
*hahaha pwn
dick. (W) says:
*;(

shitjah

kristie says:
*since primary school
*she was never innocent
IwantaCharizard. says:
*loollllllllllllllll
kristie says:
*from the time out from her mum's pussy she was a whore
IwantaCharizard. says:
*the fallen woman
kristie says:
*um hm
*swear
IwantaCharizard. says:
*HAHAHA sorry just had to say that
kristie says:
*gold , brown whatever colour
IwantaCharizard. says:
*skannnk.

kristie says:

*you guys got econs tommorowwww

IwantaCharizard. says:

*yeah

kristie says:

*KEWL

dick. (W) says:

*she'll prolly be shouting to teacher

kristie says:

*i not going :D

dick. (W) says:

*cfm one

kristie says:

*AH BEH

IwantaCharizard. says:

*hahah eh

*why not coming

*COME LAH we can have fun **

*she'll say "CHER I WANT CLASS PARTICIPATION POINTS"

dick. (W) says:

*ya

IwantaCharizard. says:

*ahhaha that time she did in geog

dick. (W) says:

*come

*leh

kristie says:

*today went

*fucking lame shit

*NO

*NOOOOO

*DAMN BORING

*yeah

dick. (W) says:

*today u go?

*eh

*dont

kristie says:

*pussy points for your pussay face

7s' cup

Back home from Rugby, it's only 6 pm. -_-"
Anyways, Rugby was heaps fun good work out for sure and i did a superb tackle on Sean haha, if only someone recorded that. We played tennis Rugby to warm up then we did a 7s vs 15s.

Rugby holidays

Haha was about to head back to school for Rugby at 2:45, its 2:02 now btw.
When i saw andrew yeo's message.

andrew says:
*hey.
dick. (W) says:
*yea
*?
andrew says:
*don't you have rugby training?
dick. (W) says:
*2.45
*im cookin lunch naw, hotdoggies
andrew says:
*yeah.
*your boots with me.
dick. (W) says:
*oh
*my
*fucking
*god
*i just realised
*shit shit
*are u coming this way oranything?
*omfg shit
andrew says:
*i don't know.
*i need to buy a carpal tunnel wrist support.
*queens have?
dick. (W) says:
*yes.
*u going to queens now?
*there is
*just nxt door
*to sah sports
*the tennis shop
andrew says:
*ah.
dick. (W) says:
*just say hi to my dad
*and he'll refer u
*gogogo
*No boots = no play sia
*fck
andrew says:
*i go bathe first.
*i know.
dick. (W) says:
*hurry
andrew says:
*thats why i was like.
*i was cleaning my boots.
*then i saw your bag.
*then you mentioned about training and i went omg.
*lol.
dick. (W) says:
*k quix
andrew says:
*kk brb.

Dayum! FML!

Sunday, May 30, 2010

sinking

That deep sinking feeling in your heart.
Yup, that one? Pretty sure everyone has had it before.
I've just had it too many times
And it's really sinkkkkkkkkiiiiin haaard.

i swear , i'm pathetic.

Really, why does it have to be this way? Why is it so difficult?
I don't want to give up yet. I can't give up on you.
This is for real. I've never felt this way ever before about anyone.
Not till this point. Never have i actually yearned for someone so much.
As much as this...

sometimes.

Start sinking, everytime I get to thinking
It's easier to keep on moving
Never stop to let the truth in

Sometimes I feel like it's all been done
Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one
Sometimes I wanna change everything I've ever done
Too tired to fight and yet too scared to run

And if I stop for a minute
I think about things I really don't wanna know
And I'm the first to admit it
Without you I'm a liner stranded in an ice floe

I feel like I'm a thief who has no faith
Maybe more than by the grade
Of the drugs you took that day

Sometimes I feel like a little lost child
Sometimes I feel like the chosen one
Sometimes I wanna shout out 'til everything goes quiet
Sometimes I wonder why I was ever born

And if I stop for a minute
I think about things really I don't wanna know
And I'm the first to admit it
Without you I'm a child and so wherever you go
I will follow