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Saturday, June 12, 2010

Religion

Since i was a young boy, there was no free will in the choice to believe in what i wanted to, propaganda at every turn through music, church, stories and life changing experiences that my mother use to tell me, to make me believe in the holy trinity - father, son and holy ghost. I had no choice, church was a must! i have almost been to church for almost every week of my life and every time I went more propaganda was being introduced to me. An example of this propaganda, there was once a couple that was introduced into church the wife was Christian and she married a man who wasn't and she brought him to this course called the alpha course, which introduces Christianity to people, straight away i felt that the wife did the wrong thing, a Christian shouldn't marry a non Christian! absurd idea! and a few days later i realised the propaganda had worked and it brought me to question my faith. The propaganda had succeeded for many years, I was one of the best Christian boys out there till that, that day it dawned to me and i have forever been changed.

Over the years, with becoming more educated and i guess more intelligent, i have been asking myself the deepest of questions and throughout the years have been in conflict with my soul for the answer. Today i will tell you that answer, hopefully it is the most profound answer that i can ever give to anyone.

So the first question, is there a God? The short answer: Yes. How do we know? because in the creation of men, for men to exist there were a series of multiple events that lead to us becoming what we are today, and non of those events could have occurred without some sort of divine intervention. The big bang, the creation of the universe. Do you think that randomly the universe imploded in itself to become what it is today? Certainly without a doubt science points to intelligent design. First let me explain how big the universe is. Earth, where all current known life is situated on, the earth is quite big, wouldn't you say? It holds 6 billion humans and trillions of other living things. The earth orbits a rather unremarkable star, that star can fit 1,300,000 Earths in it, and that sun is very small compared to other stars in our galaxy. There are 400 million stars in our galaxy, our galaxy orbits a bigger galaxy - andromeda which has three trillion stars. The universe has millions of galaxies, some bigger some smaller then the milky way( our galaxy) each of these galaxies have about a trillion stars, each of these star have a chance for an earth sized object to orbiting around them. So the answer is the universe is big, very big, but the main point im trying to make is that a random event cannot create something so profoundly remarkable, there had to be intelligent design, God if you will. Now, the creation of men - evolution, the theory at least states that, we came from bacteria which evolved and evolved and evolved to finally it became the diversity of life we have today. Again there is no reason why elements had to come together to form this carbon based life form - bacteria, which then evolved to other things such as dinosaurs, mammals, insects ect. Was it a random event that produced that bacteria? which then evolved to the wide diversity of life we have today? i highly doubt that it was random, again to think that we were random, is just plain illogical. There has to be a God, no doubt at all there is a God.

The other question, how about religion? As i am not familiar with other religions, i would only comment on Christianity. Religion is mankind's definition of how to worship God. It is not divine, it is as man made as the internet. The Church today is as fallible as men, as men has had a great hand in creating the Church - the religion. The history of the church, in all it glory is not as biblical as one thinks, wars, murder and discrimination are rampant throughout its history, the crusades, for example wars waged in the name of Christ, millions died. The limitation of science, the earth was flat, the universe revolved around the earth, preposterous comments to us now, but the church enforced it and publicized it. This is the Church in the past, the religion was clearly not guided by the hand of God. How about today?, discrimination is still rampant about in the church today. Recently i was told my denomination is not "powerful", this sparked a great rage within me that i couldn't control, to think that one is not as powerful as the other even though we worship the same God? I am ashamed to be Christian, my mother for one thinks that Catholics would not go to heaven because they worship mother Mary. They think other religions are just plain wrong and deserve to be shot down because they are untrue. A video shown by Sahdique to me about a pastor defaming Buddhist is one of them. These are the Christians in the church today people, they are elitist, they promote segregation and defamation through their teachings. My mother called me a few days before because a little bee told her i lost my faith, well the answer to your question mother, is that i lost my faith long ago, i lost my faith in the religion, the religion which help spread aids throughout the continent of Africa, the religion which caused wars, the religion which tells Christians not to marry other Christians unless they convert because they will be unequally yoked, this was the religion i was brought up in and a religion i believed in, but no more.

My best friend tariful told me yesterday something very profound he told me; i believe in the god allah, but i do not believe in religion. I too concur with this, i Eric Jr Tan Believe in a God, Jesus Christ, but not in religion created by men.

Friday, June 11, 2010

ERIC 2 DICK 1

andrew says:
*eric you gay piece of cunt.
*hd video cam.
*not dslr.
Eternal ruler says:
*seriously
*the only reason
*i feel bad
*is because she defended him
*not that i support gay marriage or shit like that
*but its because she was an amazing person in that very moment
*rofl
dick. (W) says:
*yeah go fuck yourself man.
*that's the 2nd time now.

thanks a lot la kristie.

Eternal ruler just sent you a nudge.
*
dick. (W) says:
*i did
*fuck u
Eternal ruler says:
*k
*:P
andrew says:
*eh dick you coming right?
Eternal ruler says:
*that was my best hack in ages
*LOL

*
andrew just sent you a nudge.
*
dick. (W) says:
*umm
*:\
*fine
andrew says:
*kk.
Eternal ruler says:
*it was
*andrew yeos idea
*LOL
dick. (W) says:
*i know
*kristie's pic right
andrew says:
*fuc k you.
dick. (W) says:
*cb lar.
Eternal ruler says:
*HAHAHa
*jk
*it was mine
*he fueled it though
*gave me the pic
*ect..
*LOL
dick. (W) says:
*bastard, i swear
Eternal ruler says:
*its ok
*i will tell everyone
*im the one
*i hacked your acct
*if anything
*ROFL
dick. (W) says:
*post it on my wall now pls
*i feel really gay.
*u r a fucker
Eternal ruler says:
*i did
hacked again.

IT SHOW.

I must BUY something at every IT show. so this time i haz laptop

ARGUE FOAR THE SAKE OF ARGUING

Tariful says:
*eh guys
*we
*stop
*try
*not to argue
*for just one day
Eternal ruler says:
*how..
*its the basis of our friendshi
Tariful says:
*ii dont tink
Eternal ruler says:
*its our personalities to argue
Tariful says:
*we ever
*not debate/argue
Eternal ruler says:
*it what attracts us together
Tariful says:
*wtf?
Eternal ruler says:
*we are all NTs
Tariful says:
*it was only mine
Eternal ruler says:
*we are all thinkers
dick. (W) says:
*fuck u
Eternal ruler says:
*we need to argue
dick. (W) says:
*it was mine too
*u asswipe.
Eternal ruler says:
*LOL

*u just argued
*u failed
dick. (W) says:
*u fucking son of a bitch
*shut hte fuck up fatty
*u dont argue
Eternal ruler says:
*HAHA
dick. (W) says:
*u pussy
Eternal ruler says:
*cute
Tariful says:
*LOl
Eternal ruler says:
*....im really not the one being called pussy by a girl
Tariful says:
*TALKING ABOUT PUSSY
Eternal ruler says:
*seriously
*LOL
Tariful says:
*MAKES ME LAUGH

Thursday, June 10, 2010

fuck me

5:39am.
Definately won't wake up early today. tsk tsk

IN LOVE WITH A SONG.



I know he knocks you off your feet
You're so bitter; you think he's sweet
Well he's wrong for you, I swear

Did you forget to read the script?
There was never a role for him
It was always you and me, just me

Popular mechanics for broken hearts could help me now

I know you never felt romance
And we always lack suspense
I can edit those parts out

I never made you feel complete
I would fall beneath your feet
I would never bring you down, so down

Popular mechanics for broken hearts could help me now

Just because he loves you too
He would never take a bullet for you
Don't believe a word he says
He would never cut his heart out for you

I heard he wrote you a song
But so what
Some guy wrote 69
And one just ain't enough

And there's so sense in trying
I know 'cause I've been
Trying all the time to find something that would make you mine
But all I ever find my love
Are clichés that don't rhyme

Popular mechanics for broken hearts could help me now

Just because he loves you too
He would never take a bullet for you
Don't believe a word he says
He would never cut his heart out for you

bored.

1:49am
Very very hungry, trying to sleep but i can't be arsed yet. I woke up at 4pm. I need to make up for it! Right and waste tmrw away. Anyway i need to go to work tomorrow. I need to study. I need a lot of money. I need to pick up my bicycle from Rodalink. I need to go get lunch and eat properly. I need to book air tickets for my mother. I need to ask Furqan for my $10, it's been 1 week already, actually 2. I also need to go cycling. Sleep early.

1:51am
I am bloody hungry, bloody hungry, i swear. I'm so tempted to order maccas now. I can feel my stomach rumbling. I want some burgers with fries and a coke to go along with it.

1:52am
Paolo Nutini's songs are amazing. Fanstically Aamazing.

1:52am
Oh just done reading Esther's blog btw. I've been doing alot of thinking. A lot of thinking and i don't think the posts on her blog about lovers etc.. and shit and on fb is about me. It's probably about someone else. Definately someone else i reckon. Anyway, yeah gotta stop thinking about it. lol. But it's never too late to tell me you want me. Cos i'll wait. But i'm done trying.

MM TALIBAN

i forgot to mention, i shaved today, well actually yesterday.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

=D For Kristie



Note: While looking for this picture in my computer i just realised i had a whole bunch of movies, music, games, software, applications and porn hidden in my hard drive, i totally forgot about them.

You wanna be free?

Woke up at 3:45pm.
Made plans while i was still in bed on what i'll be doing today.
I was going to get my bicycle fixed today and go riding tonight.
Scrub and clean my toilet.
Go out for lunch.

4pm.
When i got out of my room first thing i noticed was the sound of water, pouring really hard onto something. I looked at my fish tank and the water in there was 3/4 gone.. I walked forward, looked at the floor and realised that the carpet was drenched in water.. Fuck me.. Water had been dripping out of the tank while i was asleep.
Some fucker definately touched my fish tank last night... Anyway, had to delay my meeting with Tariful to clean up the fucking carpet and mop the floor and shit. Took me about an hour or so and i went to hang out the carpet to dry.

Looked at my bike and started fixing the chains and tightening the bolts and whatever, looked around for the screws for my disc breaks and pushed my bike out all ready to cycle to Toh Guan, Rodalink.. Got on the bike sat, and realised the back tire was flat.. Fuck me... Decided to push it to the back gate and started walking towards Toh Guan, got pissed off at how slow it was.. I was like fuck this i'mma sit on the bike and started riding even with the back tire flat. Was a really bumpy ride could feel all the stones and humps.

Arrived at Rodalink and the guy told me i had to leave my bike over for the day, i was like oh fuck me.. Now i can't ride tonight. Guy told me i had to change both inner tubes which would cost 9 bucks each, so that's 18. I was like, mm okay then.. Left my contact details at the counter, and stared at the McDonalds outside contemplating on wether i should have maccas for dinner or just spend 3 bucks on rice and mutton or mee goreng or something or w/e... Decided to take the bus and just buy some food from the indian store just infront of my condo.

Just finished eating my dinner. Watched a really awesome show about nuclear physics on BBC Knowledge channel. Took out my cell and kept thinking about Esther and what her words mean..

7:45pm
Well now it's 7:45 and i'm here in front of my pc. I'll either be dotaing my night away or L4Ding
God Fuck My Life.
Horrible day..

http://cusidigchickswithdicks.tumblr.com/

http://cusidigchickswithdicks.tumblr.com/

This one's for the public. Read it. I won't post anything new in there. Only old stuff.
I'll continue with this blogspot for sure.
I want to sleep, but i want to listen to Secret Valentine - We The Kings, over and over again. -_-

secret valentine

Okay, 4:44am.
Honestly, i really don't know what to believe in anymore, i was doing so fine for a while, trying to forget you, i actually could control myself. I thought to myself, hey this isn' t so difficult. All my friends are telling me to move on and forget that shit ever happened plus it's the holidays, awesome time to be away from you. Though i'd like to say i really really do want to meet you in the bottom of my heart.  Anyway, things are just so challenging for me, the signs are all wrong but yet so right? I don't know:? What's all this talk about secret lovers? and talking about how you yearn for your lover to love you back? And wanting " someone to read that he is pussy and know bla bla?" What's all this shit about? I can't fucking read your mind. Tell me it's mutual i'll stop being a pussy and i'll show you how much i can love you... I won't approach if it isn't mutual. So tell me? Stop wasting my time. Quit wasting my time, I'm fed up, tired, delusional, paranoid, weak, ashamed, jaded, sad, emotional, vulnerable,confused, disturbed,.. I'm on edge.. Every single thing you do, every move you make i'm watching, i'm trying to figure out what you're trying to convey. Why do we have to do this in secret codes?

Give me a reason to stay, give me a PROPER meaning. Tell me this can work out.. Cos i really don't want to continue living this way, it hurts so much... I'm a very patient person and i'm very nice, but if i find out you're just using me, i'll rage.. You'll wish you never knew me.. But then again, i don't see how i can do anything to you... You're so fragile and beautiful and graceful... Your voice is as sweet and soothing as honey...

fuck me...
i hate you really...
Your pussy-ness disgust the crap out of me. and i wish you read it and know it is YOU i am talking about.


http://rhapsodyfacade.tumblr.com/

you think changing your url will stop me from reading this? Fuck no, you have no idea how good i'm 

Hide and Seek.

Woke up at 4:30pm this afternoon. Had a really long nap after " last,last night's outing" with Kristie/Dian/Tariful. Was pretty cool i guess, talked a lot and stuff and kept playing around with Kristie's camera. Really ought to get one of those DSLR'S pretty soon.

Watched Nightmare on Elm Street, it was amazingly scary at the start. Blame it on the cinematic effects and speaker systems, they're uncomfortably loud. Not really scary tbh, what i'd define as scary is something that'll make me think twice about going into dark places and doing stuff at night, something that'll make me look over my shoulders constantly and put me into a state of paranoia.sooooooo... Nightmare on Elm Street, wasn't that scary... yeah..;\ lol.

Amazingly, Esther came over a couple of hours ago? 4 - 5 hours ago i guess? I was sitting at the PC half naked with my sarong on and had my underwear lying all over the floor with my bottle of Olive oil placed on the side, ready for my use whenever i feel like having a good wank :S. HUR HUR HUR! HUR! sooo... I recieve a call from Esther and she was like " Hey we're reaching soon!" I was like what the fuck? huh uh huh? u guys are coming i didn't know that? "Didn't Furqan text u?" Huh what no i didn't see. loool. She could probably hear the panic in my voice, i was totally clueless about their visit.
So.. i was like oh fuck me, there goes a good wank. Aight started picking shit up on the floor. Tied up this morning's prata and curry into a bag and arranged the remote controls nicely on the coffee table, tidied up the pillows and cushions and placed them neatly on the couch. Picked up my underwear, shirts, and shirts from 2 days ago and some dry towel and threw them into the washing machine. Took off my sarong and like took a quick shower, flushed the toilet, scrubbed the floors and got rid of the stains and dust marks. Brushed my teeth and did my hair. Got out of the shower looked around for a nice shirt, couldn't find any cos all of them were dirty so i took out a 10 year old shirt and put it on, amazingly it fits pretty well! Went back to the PC, looked at the floor and started putting like 25kg discs on my dumbells that were lying on the floor just to give the impression that i was lifitng 25kg on each side. LOL LOL! Looked at myself in the mirror, whipped out the cell and gave her a call " Hey where are you guys now? Clubhouse, Alright you guys can come up now." Turned on the lights in my house, switched off the white ones and let the yellow ones light up, ( more cosy ).
Baam. the moment she came up, i just froze and started sputtering words out of my mouth uh uh uh err eh eh eerr.. Totally told myself in my mind , fuck you dick you suck so bad you pussy face disgusting motha fucka .
Told them to make themselves comfortable while i got myself dinner.

dinner = 2plain prata. 1 egg prata.
1 Cup of milk.
Skipped lunch btw. hehehe

annnnddddddddddd basically, we watched alice in wonderland, didn't rly fancy it too much. esther and furqan played the guitar and sang songs and shit whilst i just listened and stared. Didn't really said much. Fuck me, why can't i be myself around her...

LA LA LA LA LA LA LA I SUCK CAWKS.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Weakness

Really, this is really why i can't un privatised my blog anymore. I've spilled too much of my emotions and thoughts into this blog, i'll be asking for trouble if everyone were to see this. I'm at my most vulnerable here and i hate exposing my weak points to people. Anyone can use anything against me if they read.

Just realise how much shit i've wrote here.. It's like a totally different side of me. I behave amazingly different in real life and here. I ought to stop soon. I feel really weak,mushy and shit.

Guess i'll probably have to create a new blog pretty soon or un publish certain posts.

To those reading this: I really trust you guys a lot!

Why's it like this?

It’s not meant to be like this,
Not what I planned at all.
I don’t want to feel like this.
Yeah.
No it’s not meant to be like this,
It's just what I don't need.
Why make me feel like this?
It's definitely all your fault.
Could we just be friends?
I feel a weakness coming on.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

marriage is overrated, why isn't commitment enough?

Tariful : | says:
*oh
*his here
Eternal ruler says:
*dick
*wank liao?
Tariful : | says:
*dick u like wanking alot?
Eternal ruler says:
*i studying from tuesday onwards liao
Tariful : | says:
*you made like the one
*you made me feel like the one
*dick what u wanking to?
*YOU LIKE LIKE JESUS ON A AEROPLANE
*you dunno what its been like
*meeting someone like you
*superman on a aeroplane
*you got that woman but you wnat her gone
*so you can fuck a teenage blonde
*DI*CK
*STOP WANKING
*
Eternal ruler just sent you a nudge.
*
Eternal ruler says:
*he cleaning up
Tariful : | says:
*how dou knw
Eternal ruler says:
*he told me
dick. (W) LOLUMAD? says:
*lol
Tariful : | says:
*dique wants to fuck you
dick. (W) LOLUMAD? says:
*im in showering
*i mean
*done
*showering.
Tariful : | says:
*how was the wank
dick. (W) LOLUMAD? says:
*so so
Tariful : | says:
*: ?
*; /
*when was y our last best orgasm
*so fucking boring
*need to eat burger king
*YO DICKY
*HURRTY
Eternal ruler says:
*my best orgasm
*was my first few
*:)
Tariful : | says:
*which guy sucked it?
dick. (W) LOLUMAD? says:
*lol
*what hurry
*im not playing
*i got work
*-__
Tariful : | says:
*wtf
*work
*slave
*dog
dick. (W) LOLUMAD? says:
*lol
*i work
*2 hours
*then go katong
*liao
*: )
*rawr
Tariful : | says:
*: )
dick. (W) LOLUMAD? says:
*u coming?
Tariful : | says:
*go there do wat
Eternal ruler says:
*whai u workingz
dick. (W) LOLUMAD? says:
*pierce
*ear
*and eyebrow
Tariful : | says:
*why so far
dick. (W) LOLUMAD? says:
*andrew hoin ther
Eternal ruler says:
*dick
*u gonna pierce your ear
*and eyebrow
*LOL
Tariful : | says:
*cant imagine him
*with piercing
*s
Eternal ruler says:
*he will look like a fa
*fag
*his voice already so fagotty
*he put that earrings
*100% GAY
Tariful : | says:
*LOL
*such a fag inside
Eternal ruler says:
*yeah
*when will he realise that all the guys hitting him up tru phone friendster and shit
*theres actually a reason behind it..
*he looks gay
Tariful : | says:
*indian fatty with piercing
*= cheeky boy
Eternal ruler says:
*LOL
*HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
*dick raelly looks indian
*LOL
*if u think about it
Tariful : | says:
*the typical 1 side piercing
*LOLLLLLLLLLL
Eternal ruler says:
*such an indian fag
*LOL
dick. (W) LOLUMAD? says:
*-_-

eat the poo poo?

4:27am
lol @ work. tmrw
anyway check this out, it's really interesting.

awake.

2:26am.
I've been staying awake really late these past few days. Playing Computer games and Dotaing with my friends.
It's like an escape from reality. I'm so fucking awesome and bad ass in game. Wish i was just as bad ass i r l. Not that i'm not bad ass in real life. I am, i just want to be as bad ass as i am in game, in real life. lol. Yeah i'm so bad ass ya!

2:27am
Fuck just realised i've got work tmrw. I really don't want to go, it's such a drag i swear. I go late anyway but it's really boring, i just walk around the shop hoping for time to pass by quick, take really long lunch breaks and head to my dad's office to watch tv and have a bit of a chit chat.

2:28am
Oh i also got my fuckin dumbells from Yeo already, picked up these 30kg x2 babies. They're freaking incredible. I just realised, my left arm is weak compared to my right arm. My right biceps are much much bigger and showing. The left's like.. flab? lol, no wonder i can only do 4 pull ups. My left arm isn't as strong as the right! what the fuck! Gotta train on the left one now.

2:30am
Psyched for Monday's movie, gonna be watching Nightmare on Elm Street with Tariful,Kristie,Dian and Andrew Yeo. I need to go out and have some fun. Sucks to stay at home and think of life and rot. Great! 1 week of the holidays over and i haven't gotten around to studying for Promo 1's. It's okay, i'll be quitting MI this year anyway.. =D

2:31am
Fuck yeah, think i need a wank. Jizzhut here i cum!

Sweet Song - Blur




What am I to do
Someone here is really not happy
Put myself on a line
It seems I never got through to you
So I wean myself off slowly

I'm a darkened soul
My streets all pop music and gold
Our lives are on TV
You switch off and try to sleep
People get so lonely

I believe I believe I believe
Everything's out to sea
I believe I believe I believe I believe
That is the way it should be
I hope you feel the same

Everyone is dying
Stop crying now here comes the sun
I didn't mean to hurt you no no no
It takes time to see what you have done
So I wean myself off slowly

I believe I believe I believe
Love is the only one
I deceive I deceive I deceive I deceive
Cos' I'm not that strong
Hope you feel the same

And now it seems that we're falling apart
But I hope I see the good in you come back again
I just believed in you