Okay, 4:44am.
Honestly, i really don't know what to believe in anymore, i was doing so fine for a while, trying to forget you, i actually could control myself. I thought to myself, hey this isn' t so difficult. All my friends are telling me to move on and forget that shit ever happened plus it's the holidays, awesome time to be away from you. Though i'd like to say i really really do want to meet you in the bottom of my heart. Anyway, things are just so challenging for me, the signs are all wrong but yet so right? I don't know:? What's all this talk about secret lovers? and talking about how you yearn for your lover to love you back? And wanting " someone to read that he is pussy and know bla bla?" What's all this shit about? I can't fucking read your mind. Tell me it's mutual i'll stop being a pussy and i'll show you how much i can love you... I won't approach if it isn't mutual. So tell me? Stop wasting my time. Quit wasting my time, I'm fed up, tired, delusional, paranoid, weak, ashamed, jaded, sad, emotional, vulnerable,confused, disturbed,.. I'm on edge.. Every single thing you do, every move you make i'm watching, i'm trying to figure out what you're trying to convey. Why do we have to do this in secret codes?
Give me a reason to stay, give me a PROPER meaning. Tell me this can work out.. Cos i really don't want to continue living this way, it hurts so much... I'm a very patient person and i'm very nice, but if i find out you're just using me, i'll rage.. You'll wish you never knew me.. But then again, i don't see how i can do anything to you... You're so fragile and beautiful and graceful... Your voice is as sweet and soothing as honey...
fuck me...
i hate you really...
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