M&M&M

Afraid, that's what I initially felt. I didn't want to get any closer because I hated dealing with emotions; they were too complex and confusing for me. I dream allot yes but when it comes to serious situations, I focus on logic. This is the barrier.

When I first saw you, I thought to myself, wow not the average lot my mum usually brings home. Nevertheless I didn't pay you any mind, I focused on my gaming and was content with living in the current moment. Never did I think you'd make such an impact in my life. When I was asked to help you with your iPod, I did so willingly because I sincerely from the bottom of my heart liked helping people out. Never did I think I'd actually imagine doing everything I possibly can for you. That smile on your face when I told you about installous and all the amazing freebies, I was perplexed and astounded at how easily you could be happy about something so trivial and easy it registered my head as 'so simple'. Never did I thought, I would ever have the possibility / chance of making your life happy. You asked for my Facebook, I contemplated telling you; I didn't want someone I didn't know intruding into my personal space. After all I was still recovering from a heartbreaking year. Never did I think I was sub consciously creating a space for you in my melting stone cold heart.

You have a 6th sense with your ability to read people's feelings and understand them, however I could tell you couldn't do the same with me. I imagine you thought there was something different about this one, he's unreadable, I was strong, rigid and emotionless at times I imagine you might have felt hurt. For that I'm sorry. I read you well, you were different. I haven't met much people like you before. Only a few, and I tend to block them out as soon as I understand what's going on. I did the same with you; at least I tried really hard to. I took a step back, I had to, I had to analyze what was going on and I tried as hard as I could to ignore you but I could not. My assessment of the situation yielded both negative and positive results, you were an awesome candidate you'd fit the bill but there was so much standing in between us. My heart grew softer that day but my mind toughened up. I told myself that I was silly for behaving this way and constantly reminded myself that this is not right, this is not right.

You were so hard to resist, that constant cheerful smile on your face, your upbeat enthusiastic approach to the things I had to say. I didn't know how to react, I had dreams of you lots of them in one of them I dreamt I wont the lottery (which you told me to buy on fb back in Dec) and I went around the world with you. I woke up in the morning thinking to myself, what the heck man, what a weird dream. I tried to pass it off as something that I would do with any other female that I had taken a liking to. Didn’t work.

Then we met again for the second time, god you looked stunning that night in your pink dress, grinning from ear to ear. I walked out of my room, not knowing what to do; you exclaimed, "I'm here!" You had me in a headlock. I had no idea how to react but I liked it, you made me feel good. When you brought me to that cafe, I was thinking to myself what am I doing, here I am a 19 year old hanging out with a bunch of grown ups, worst still they were my mum's friends (mind you I thought you were in your 20s (24 - 28). I enjoyed it; I admired your excellent qualities and your friendly nature. Most of all I admired your intelligence, something that I scarce in most people. That night, I dreamt of you vividly once again, the text you sent me asking if I had a good time, heck yes I did. I wanted to tell you that it was one of the best times I had in a long while.

Next day was it? Or the day after you invited me over. Was thinking hmm, okay that'd be cool. You introduced your cousins to me and I went in there with the mentality that they'd be around the same age as me. I was in for a shock. It felt awkward afterwards, terribly awkward.. Again, I suck at social situations and I was with my cousin, who clearly wasn't helping the situation. I left that night, extremely tired mentally, not physically. That was my introverted part of me; I couldn't deal with staying there too long I had to leave. I went back home that night and again I thought of you before I went to bed. Again you invited me over the next day, I declined because I had to recuperate my energy and make sense of what was going on. This was when I started realizing the actuality of the situation. I got depressed and started tearing as I talked to you from the 2nd floor of my shitty house with a horrible Internet signal. I wanted bad to be where you are but I felt so afraid, dazed and confused. I told myself I wish I could surround myself with people who cared, you had such a loving family and I was perplexed by your single status. Surely a woman like you would be rolling around with a man who truly deserves you.

The morning we left for Legazpi, I blocked myself from everyone in the car, I tried to disassociate myself by retreating to my comfort zone, the music in my head. I controlled myself but deep down I was crumbling, I wanted to stay longer and spend more time with you. Nay, not possible it was my future or you, I had to pick one. I stared outside while we had lunch, all sorts of images running through my head, wished someone would just appear with a Lamborghini and whisk me away to the airport. You looked at me when my mum brought up; I think it was my mum, something about marriage. That’s when I knew; you had a soft spot for me. I started panicking, said something about 30. You looked at me the entire time, while I tried to avoid your gaze.

Then came the infamous iNTJ - ENFP lock. You hugged me, probably the first time someone did that, at least with that intensity. My mum was around and so was Jap, I didn’t know how to react ha-ha. I felt calm and relaxed and I hated to leave you, which was why I texted you for a good bit before I left. Given the same opportunity, I would have texted immediately and probably non-stop. (-Zzz Starting to wonder if this was a good idea just writing this.)

I came back to Singapore, heart broken and home sick. I yearned to see you again, I missed you so much. I teared a couple of times, spent most of my time in isolation pondering over what could possibly be happening to you, what you were doing and whether you felt the same way. I was falling so deep and so hard into a well, with walls that high it was hard to climb out. I'm different; I climbed it, hard and long, occupied myself with friends and forced myself to shut you out of my life. Still, I sent you many songs, it's what I do when I like someone, I do something practical I try and make their lives easier, efficient or happier. In your case, music. Remember that song I sent you? My favorite book - Stars. "You are the anchor that holds me, that is why we'll always make it, how I know your face all the ways you move, you come in I can read you, you're my favorite book. All the things you say, the way you shift your eyes I never knew there was someone to make me come alive" You were literally my favorite book, I empathized with you.

 I deleted you and everyone else Melanie, Jap etc. off my Facebook. - Not because I had no confidence, I have ALOT of confidence; I just can't deal with feelings. Too much hassle, too much work. I felt bad afterwards; I didn't want to shut you off just like that. So I created another account and kept all of you there. It was a good reason though, my friends were finding out in particular my NTs and NFs, and they were suspicious asking me who you were, stuff like that. Damage control time.

Still I kept in touch with you, talked to you. I was aware that we could never be together (logically it's still possible). I kept telling myself reasons why it won't work, and how weird things would be between our families and friends. It's the sort of soap opera you only see in films, never in real life. I refused to believe this was happening to me. I wanted you soooo hard. But I didn't wanted to hurt you, I wanted you to be happy and I guess that was really only what I wanted, I didn't mean to lead you. I just wanted to make you feel better; I was foolish and retarded for confusing you. But you were confusing me as well; I didn't know exactly what you wanted. 

Deciphering your behavior became hard, it still is hard. It was hard for me to believe that I was different than the others you interacted with. Which means I wanted you to be pretty clear about me being special (if you thought I was). I needed a lot of reassurance. I observed your behavior and wondered if you were reliable, do you follow through with actions? I didn't want to be misleading either. The problem was you exhibit much of the same behavior to everyone, because you probably like everyone. I was skeptical of that and it made me feel slightly unappreciated when you share intimate stuff with everyone when I thought I’m the only one you'd disclose something to. (You didn't really disclose much actually)

-Scientific Approach –

ENFPs also have this almost psychic ability to read people, and INTJs give very little information for the outside observer. What this means is that ENFPs are one of the only types to actually pick up on the importance of the few subtle clues INTJs do give off. It’s actually a little alarming at first. They notice INTJs, and not only that, they find them incredibly interesting. Much like an INTJ is constantly searching for things they find intellectually stimulating, ENFPs are always looking for people they find challenging. It’s the kind of puzzle they like to solve, and an INTJ fits the bill perfectly.

So what does this mean in a practical sense? The ENFP will make the INTJ talk — they might even become downright social when it comes to their ENFP — and the INTJ will make the ENFP think. Their similar thought processes make conversation incredibly easy, and they bring out the best in each other. It’s just a sort of magical, instant understanding that’s incredibly difficult to find, especially for INTJs.

I hope I haven’t lost your attention but these past few days I’ve been exceptionally annoyed at myself. You in particularly have been on my mind, I’ve been losing focus in school, skipping work time for research time into you and coming up with all sorts of reasons and theory for why you do the things you do. I found out, why I was behaving this way and it’s because I really really really really like you. It’s definitely more than just a crush, definitely not lust. I want things to go at a normal pace and I don’t want you to be afraid or me, last thing I need is to lose your friendship. I’ve been hurt once; I don’t want to be hurt again. I think I’ve genuinely developed extremely strong feelings for you, on a level that I have never experienced before. You drive me crazy with delight, boosting my happiness levels and making me feel as high as a kite. It’s like ecstasy, but I’m constantly plagued by our differences.

If I don’t tell you this, I fear I’ll fall into a relapse of what happened last year and lose my lead for the Dux title. Please tell me if we can sort this out. I just want to help you out that’s all. I don’t expect anything else or anything more.  It’s been months and I still feel pain. It’s hard to cope with it, I’ve been doing it in all sorts of ways; some good, some very very bad. Rationalization, numbing myself, drinking lying all that sort of stuff, denial especially. I’m desperately trying to find closure in a situation that feels so fucking unfair but fixable. I truly honestly don’t believe I’ll ever find someone like you again, but I know that’s not being rational. Again, emotions are clouding my vision and ability to think. It’s so hard to be an optimist when I’ve always been a realist, I feel so jaded. Hopefully explaining this will make me feel better, find closure or see the beginning of your happiness.

It’s sort of like a noble thing that I do, I have this strong need to potray a confident image outwards, which I do possess, just that as I mentioned before, when it comes to emotions, I crumble. I lose control and you’re the perfect type of person to complement me, and I complement you.

But yeah, I did alot of stuff that I’d rather much like to tell you personally than in this letter that made me realize alot about your behavior and mine. We're all human beings and there's a certain order we follow when choosing why we fit with someone. I guess the main reason why you couldn't find the perfect guy was because you might have been searching in all the wrong places or that he might be doing the same thing I’m doing.

‎"Eventually the fast text message responses will become slow. The long conversation will cut short. The attention they give you will become neglected. The comfort they give you will become something awkward. The time they have for you will become non existent. The feeling of being close to them will become distant."

I'm looking to make a big list of all the weird little things an INTJ does to show they like you. I'm only looking for stuff that's kind of particular to INTJs though-- so, for example, offering to buy you a drink is not a particularly INTJ trait.

There can be contradictions in the list too-- INTJs are complex people.

I'll start. The format is this:
An INTJ might like you if:
...they're ignoring you on purpose.
...they're noticing your existance.
...they're being particularly nice towards you.
...they're being particularly mean to you.
...they criticize you a little too much.
...they interrupt their reading/writing/drawing/studying to talk to you.
...they pretend to be interested in the intellectually inferior interests you non-INTJ might have.
...they ask to do the Myers-Briggs test on you.
...they tell you you're probably an INTJ (a compliment of the highest order.)




Before I begin, I must say that this is just a general run though of how INTJ might behave in a romantic situation. This is by no means scientific. It's just the ramblings of an INTJ who has the pleasure and pain of interacting with other INTJs personally and professionally.

So how can you tell if an INTJ is interested in you?

I've organised the information into stages. Not every INTJ goes through these stages, nor do they have to follow this particular order....

Stage 1: Observation

When an INTJ first discovers that he/she is interested in you, his/her 1st reaction will be to draw back. This will manifest itself in different ways. He/she will treat you as if you are invisible and possibly ignore you, perhaps even to the point of rudeness. This is because feelings are confusing to the INTJ and you, as his/her object of interest, elicit feelings that the INTJ is not accustomed to dealing with. Therefore the first reaction is to take a step back and evaluate the situation, particularly these reactions that (annoyingly) the INTJ (who usually is quite collected), does not seem to have control over. Better adjusted INTJs may interact with you as they normally do. Do not be fooled by this apparent lack of interest. The INTJ is usually absorbing whatever information he/she can about you. It's what we do. If something strikes our fancy, we become experts in it. Any interaction during this stage will be awkward and stilted and you might come away with the impression that the INTJ doesn't really like you.

So indicators at this stage are a little hard to read. So there'd be an awkward lack of interest or the INTJ will go about their regular business but will always be 'tuned in' to you and what you're saying/doing. After all, we're masters of stealth....you can't really tell when we're listening and when we aren't.



Stage 2: Evaluation

In this stage, the INTJ may initiate contact. This can be either direct or indirect. You might find them spending more time around you and they might try to draw you into a conversation, ask you questions to try and get to know you, basically. Don't expect the usual drivel like: How's the weather? What d'you do over the weekend?, etc.... because remember... we cannot abide small talk. Intellectual compatibly is pretty high on an INTJ's list so this is when they gauge whether you 'make the cut. INTJs choose partners just like they choose anything else.... with care. We do the research, weight the pros and cons and then make a decision.... and if the decision is negative, its fairly easy for us to move on. This is not because we are nanomorphic mimetic poly-alloy cyborgs... its because we've assessed a potential partner or relationship and have concluded that it's a waste of time.

So indicators here are, you'll find the INTJ interacting with you more than they normally would in comparison to other classmates/colleagues or acquaintances. Time is important to the INTJ, especially time alone...so if an INTJ is spending time with you rather than writing a random program or reading a complicated book, it's a sure fire way of telling he/she is interested.

Stage 3: Action

When and how an INTJ will make his/her feelings known varies greatly. Some may come right out and say it (expect something more on the lines of a feasibility analysis rather than a mushy declaration of undying love) others might just find themselves 'falling into' a relationship. Signs that an INTJ is really interested in you is when he/she might do things that they wouldn't generally do, but that you find important. Say your band is playing at a pub, he'd/she'd attend even though he/she may not necessarily enjoy going to one. Bear in mind though, you sometimes might have to spell it out for the INTJ.
INTJs revel in optimising things. So an INTJ will show his/her affection by doing practical things for you.... like upgrading your comp. or mapping out the best route to work. Efficiency is something we value highly and by making things more efficient for you, is how we show we care.

So, is he/she interested?

Bitch, don't even.

Stupid fucking coward.

Even when I try to make amends (or whatever), you just shrug me off.

You give me shit for not caring, and not trying?

Well, look who’s not trying now.

You call me a hypocrite about judging people but I hate being judged…

actually, let’s clarify that first:

I don’t judge people; I’ve spent countless hours observing people’s behavior which, combined with my intuition (The N in INTJ, hurr durr), makes it easy to see what kind of person someone really is. I don’t just base things off of superficial qualities.

And for the second part…

I don’t like being judged, because it’s exactly what I described above: people base their half-assed opinions by what I look like. Scroll down the page and you’ll see that most of the questions (or lack there of) are asking why I ‘dress like a boy’ or that I’m ‘mean and scary’.

Bitch, you haven’t even scratched the surface.

Also, I’d like to address, since there was that (non)question, mentioning my constant bringing-up of the fact that I’m an INTJ…

I take that shit very seriously, because it’s probably the best description of my personality that one can get without actually talking to me.

So instead of saying that it’s just bullshit, why don’t you look it up?

I will keep bringing it up if you try to belittle or berate me for my actions in any way, so regardless of what you call it, it’s what I am.

And frankly, as INTJs make up approximately 1-3% of the world’s population, I’d say that makes me pretty damn awesome, not to mention, superior. Deal with it.

Now, where was I…

Ah yes.

You call me a hypocrite because I judge people, and even though you’ve known me for [insert time frame here], that doesn’t mean a thing.

Funny enough, I think the only person that I’ve ever met (so far) that completely understands who I am is my mother.

Why?

Because she’s an INTJ too.

We always end up talking about how we like being alone and don’t like the fact that my sister constantly needs to be around people.

So before you don your ‘holier-than-thou’ pseudo-identity, remember that no matter how smart you think you are, you don’t know me.

Chances are, you never will.

Why?

Because you just give up after [insert time frame here], because you’ve come to the ever-so-educated conclusion that I’m selfish, insensitive, and all that junk.

Maybe I just seem that way because I’m not a simple little fucker like you want me to be.

If you can’t deal with that, well, as everyone says,

It’s your loss.

Well the question I think you’re asking is which personality type in the most compatible with the INTJ. That would be the ENFP.

Now I know what you’re thinking. “Extroverted? Feeling? Are you kidding me right now?” I was equally disbelieving at first, but let’s start with the facts.

INTJ Jungian functional preference ordering:

Dominant: Introverted Intuition
Auxilliary: Extraverted Thinking
Tertiary: Introverted Feeling
Inferior: Extraverted Sensing

ENFP Jungian functional preference ordering for ENFP:

Dominant: Extraverted Intuition
Auxiliary: Introverted Feeling
Tertiary: Extraverted Thinking
Inferior: Introverted Sensing

We are attracted to personalities that share the same dominant function (in this case, Intuition,) but use it in a different way. ENFPs use all the same functions as INTJs, in almost the same order, but attitudes of those functions (introverted vs. extroverted) are switched, so they think in very similar patterns but about very different things.

ENFPs also have this almost psychic ability to read people, and INTJs give very little information for the outside observer. What this means is that ENFPs are one of the only types to actually pick up on the importance of the few subtle clues INTJs do give off. It’s actually a little alarming at first. They notice INTJs, and not only that, they find them incredibly interesting. Much like an INTJ is constantly searching for things they find intellectually stimulating, ENFPs are always looking for people they find challenging. It’s the kind of puzzle they like to solve, and an INTJ fits the bill perfectly.

So what does this mean in a practical sense? The ENFP will make the INTJ talk — they might even become downright social when it comes to their ENFP — and the INTJ will make the ENFP think. Their similar thought processes make conversation incredibly easy, and they bring out the best in each other. It’s just a sort of magical, instant understanding that’s incredibly difficult to find, especially for INTJs.

ENTPs are also very well suited for INTJs, because their functions are Ne Ti Fe Si (identical to INTJs but opposite attitude,) however, since they’re both Thinking types, it’s difficult for them to connect on an emotional level. They’ll connect brilliantly in every other way, but since neither are Feeling types, they’ll both circle away from emotional situations. They’ll get there eventually, given enough time, but it won’t be as instant or easy as with an ENFP.

As far as who has the most in common, that would obviously be a fellow INTJ. INTJs rarely team up with each other, however, since neither is the type to instigate a social situation, and they don’t play well with others.

Which type adores the INTJ most? In my experience, that’s ISFJs. This rarely works out well, though (not that it can’t. One of my best friends is an ISFJ.) ISFJs get a major case of hero worship around INTJs, and INTJs are just narcissistic enough to let the ISFJ stroke their ego. INTJs have a certain intensity that draws the ISFJ in. To the ISFJ, the INTJ is that smooth, debonair, I-wear-my-sunglasses-at-night action hero. They have a quiet confidence and control over their emotions that certain, less secure ISFJs envy.

The problem is, INTJs are not masters over their emotions; they just don’t experience emotion the same way Feeling types do. The ISFJ will enter the relationship thinking that if they just stick around long enough, if they just try hard enough, then they’ll eventually break through to the INTJs warm, gooey center.

Now, INTJs are many things, but warm and gooey are not among them. Underneath their cool, calm exterior is simply a cool, calm interior. Their emotions are just a small chip on their massive hard drive. ISFJs will get frustrated and think that the INTJ is stubbornly refusing to open up to them. They will take this personally. Either that, or they’ll assume the INTJs shallow emotions are the result of some sort of psychological damage and insist that the INTJ needs help.

Because INTJs are bad at predicting the emotional responses of others, and since the ISFJ has strong emotional reactions, but is rarely forthcoming with the details, the INTJ will hurt the ISFJ’s feelings without ever realizing it, and won’t understand why their ISFJ is suddenly angry and passive-aggressively sniping at them.

In turn, the INTJ will become incredibly frustrated by the fact that their ISFJ, because of their introverted nature and the tendency of Feeling types to use veiled language, won’t just say what they’re thinking (“No, you said ‘we’re out of milk.’ If you wanted me to pick some up on the way home you should have asked me to pick some up on the way home!”)

That said, any type can have a healthy, satisfying relationship with any other type. You just have accept them for who they are, not who you would like them to be.



INTJs are very independent. We like engaging in a good argument, especially when the other person can express their opinions intelligently. Other people are sometimes threatened by our opinions, and we can come off as critical or condescending. INTJs are frequently high achievers. We thrive in environments where we are intellectually challenged and our work is fairly evaluated. The flip side is that we often stress ourselves out over meeting the impossibly high standards we’ve set for ourselves. We’re often perfectionists, and this can create a lot of stress and feelings of self-doubt. Breaking through an INTJ’s shell can often seem difficult for other people, so close friendships and relationships can be a challenge. INTJ females, in particular, can be very intimidating to the opposite sex because we place such a high value on intelligence and independence.



I hate when my family and friends think it’s a bad thing that I’m “un-sociable.” Um, no. I just don’t like talking to people when there is nothing to talk about. Small talk makes me itch. “But how will you make new friends if you don’t make an effort to talk to people?!” I have friends, thank you very much. I’m not dying from lack of social interaction. And besides, the majority of people my age are…well… :|




The Mastermind (INTJ) is very focused as well, but more on an internal vision. They are good at solving problems and like to work on tough intellectual puzzles. They are often led into technical positions such as scientific researcher, design engineer, environmental planner. The developing field of genetics benefits from their intensity as does the field of medicine. In education they are most often found at the college and university level. In the professions, they may be a lawyer, a business analyst, or strategic planner. Some have a strong artistic/creative bent and may become an artist, inventor, or designer. Whatever they do, they do it with intensity. Says Kim, “I am constantly teaching myself something new in order to solve the problems that I encounter. My husband leaves me alone when he sees that I am caught in what he calls my “Thinking Time.” I’m unwinding knots even in my sleep.”



“Decisions come easily to them; in fact, they can hardly rest until they have things settled and decided. But before they decide anything, they must do the research. Masterminds are highly theoretical, but they insist on looking at all available data before they embrace an idea, and they are suspicious of any statement that is based on shoddy research, or that is not checked against reality.” (Anyone who has seen me try to buy anything knows this.)

Damn Fucking Straight.





Does your INTJ like you?

Fuckin’ wow.

I’ve never felt so objectified in my entire life.

“Well, you don’t like me as more that a friend, so we just won’t be friends at all, k?”

That makes sense, doesn’t it?

Here’s a little lesson for you god damn motherfucking KIDDIES out there.

Here’s my list of ways to tell if an INTJ likes you (And if they don’t)

If they give you any positive attention whatsoever, you can consider them your friend; if they mock you in a way that’s intentionally hurtful, and in a way that makes everyone else laugh at you, they probably don’t like you.
If they disregard your flaws, especially if you’re really fucking irritating about how you’re better than everyone (Including the INTJ), then they might consider you a close friend; if they inform you of this flaw every time you’re within close vicinity, they probably don’t like you whatsoever.
If they come out of their mind when you start talking or because they have an interesting idea they want to share, and proceed to pay attention to you no matter what, they probably like you a lot; if they just say “uh huh” or nod whenever you’re droning on about your shitty life, don’t confuse that with interest. They’re just being polite.
If you ask if they like you as more than a friend and they tell you that they don’t feel like telling you, they probably don’t. If they say anything like that, don’t bring it up again, ever. You will piss them off, and that will ruin any chance you may have had with them, since you called them selfish and blamed your insecurities. Fucking baby.

-

Again, that’s the short version. Be grateful that I shared at all.

enfp depression

3 minutes right after feeling heavily fucking depressed about an epiphany. Had to record the moment, for future analysis. If only a picture would reveal a deeper exploration of the mind.
It's like an onion, layers and layers of knowledge hidden deep away within my subconcious and everyday I discover something great about myself, balanced by an extremely negative view of the world i operate within my head.

Don't get me wrong, this year's been amazing I've learnt so much from being away from people. It's incredible, like i'm finally recharging after years of being drained and used. I can only ever be myself when no one else is around. It's the only time there is no risk of intimidating anyone.

Why? i don't know why that is, when i'm forced to be within a group of people and deal with a conversation I rarely say anything, instead I just stand and stare nodding in agreement/disagreement. People find it weird or strange. I understand I'm hard to talk to, I prefer to talk about something relevant. If it's a must it has to be something which can lead to an intense debate or argument instead of small talk. I have no interest in what people have to say about their stupid observations. I don't have much to say, the topic eventually dies fast and it gets extremely akward to the point where i'd rather not have said anything at all.

I move around with a "stay the fuck away from me" expression on my face without realizing it. It's more to do with the fact that I'm always deep in thought and less because I always consciously think "don't talk to me". People often look at me and think i'm lowering their self image during our encounter; apparently i appear to be radiating signals of "silent criticism", as if i'm picking them to pieces inside my head, and without mercy. -

iNteresting, observation - I seem to be better able to express myself under tremendous amounts of pressure and self controlled emotions. To begin with, my epiphany had nothing to do with me, but more of someone I was thinking about. Look how far I've strayed in a bid to release all these pent up frustrations within me. Sure I've got a blog that no one reads, what's the point? It's become more of my notebook where i keep notes I've taken an interest to. i don't even make it a point to allow people within me. And the only person I know that's holding the key to unlocking me isn't who I thought would have been.

took me 4 years to finally open myself up to my friend, an ENTP. Yet I don't even consider this person my bestfriend, no this is not who i was thinking about, just thought i'd mention it.

I think about things i really don't want to know. It's really random.
Sometimes I feel like a little lost child, sometimes I feel like the chosen one and Sometimes i wonder why I was ever born.

(25 minutes afterwards, lol shit i've written an entire self analysis, lol i'll probably delete this for fear of exposing myself to people. Being anonymous is good sometimes.)
yes i feel much better now after getting all that out.

Another thing which the Myers Briggs Type Indicator will teach is to just pay more attention to people and their personality. When you try to read a person you are paying close attention to them, you're trying to fit every action into the mbti theory by considering the "why" behind the action. This will really improve your awareness of personality. I can remember I was asked to say something bad and something great about all my friends a couple of years ago, and I just was unable to do that. Nowadays I can make whole lists of strengths and weaknesses of the people I know. I think I know their value's and how they use them. I think I know their identity and views of life. I'm sometimes wrong, but at least I'm aware and trying. In other words I went from people blind to a human behavior analyzer all thanks to the awareness Myers Briggs gave me.

Another thing what no feeler would do is argue about something serious for fun, when you see somebody do that you know it´s very likely that they are a thinker.

I believe in "talent".

The way the brain is developed, neuronal pools interact and are "wired" throughout childhood and can conceivably influence how easy it is for someone to perform a certain task or cognitive function.

For example, your mother/father/nanny played a lot of music for you in your infancy and toddler years. You may develop a keen ear for music, or perhaps you spontaneously started dancing and have excellent rhythm and become a dancer later in life.

Someone that picks up these interest later in life, well after the brain has been "hard-wired", will not be able achieve the same results as you as easily. They certainly can become great musicians or dancers through hard work and effort. But they will envy your "natural talent" for music, dancing, whatever.

You look at people like Mozart, Tiger Woods and people of their ilk. They are trained from birth, groomed to excel in their given fields, and they did so. Yes, with hard work, no doubt, but no one can doubt that they made it look incredibly easy, effortless even, because their "talent", or neuronal "wiring" lends them such an enormous advantage.

Those with a "talent" for a certain skill or cognitive function, I believe, will also have a higher "ceiling". Hard work can take you far, but not as far as someone that has both worked hard, and has enormous amounts of natural talent.

I agree with Nathan in that I reject the idea that someone can do something to the highest level of excellence without hard work. But "talent" exists in my opinion.



I would personally love to talk and talk and jibber jabber all day long. Unfortunately, the only time someone wants to do that is if it's a bunch of boring and pointless subjects. I once talked for hours about one of my passions with a work associate. And we never dipped into the weather or small talk nonsense. We just kept going and going like that stupid bunny. Imagine a world of INTJ's who talked to each other about relevant and interesting subjects all the time. Would that make us extroverted or would we just be a bunch of super comfy introverts?


TOP TEN MYTHS ABOUT INTROVERTS

Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.

Stories are as old as mankind but it seems we never get tired of hearing them. I’m always interested in hearing or reading authentic stories about people, their personality preferences, their careers, their strengths, and their challenges. From talking with people, writing books and facilitating courses I’ve learned that stories can communicate ideas that are otherwise difficult to explain.

It’s relatively easy to find descriptions of the 16 personality types, but more difficult to find websites that share the voices of people with different preferences. In my next series of posts, I offer a few quotes from people who share specific personality types.

People who have preferences for ISTJ or ISFJ personality type share a common core process of Introverted Sensing, sometimes referred to as Si; a reflective approach focused on gathering and organizing in-depth information gained from experience or trusted factual resources. I call them Assimilators and use the words Specialize and Stabilize to describe their characteristic approach.

I was thinking about my own sexuality today and I’ve decided to write this because I think it might apply to other INTJ’s. When I’m talking about sexuality I am talking not just about rubbing genitals together, I am talking about a Shakespearian sexuality. What I mean by this is the kind of sexuality that is linked to the passions that move the “soul”. The kind of sexuality that is both personal and humane. If you don’t understand what I’m talking about now, perhaps you will by the end of this post.

When I like something, I analyze that thing to death. I take it apart and put it back together again because I want to understand how it works. I’m sure most other INTJ’s know exactly what I’m talking about.

I have found that this same analysis / obsession / dissection also takes place in my romantic-sexual life. When I like someone I put them under a microscope and analyze them just like I would any other subject. I want to know them and understand them, to take them apart and see what makes them tick. This process also has a way of exposing faults, contradictions, and vulnerabilities in the other person. For some odd reason most people seem to struggle against this. Sexually this same thing comes out and the penis becomes a scalpel for dissection of the woman. It’s part of the ‘understanding’ my nature drives me to seek in the other person. I think this intensity and this curiosity is just too much for most people to be on the receiving end of.

Perhaps this is why ENFP’s seems to like us so much. Perhaps the INTJ’s intensity of analysis is somehow complimented by, and maybe matches, the ENFP’s intensity of passion. I suspect that the ENFP understands that what the INTJ is doing is a form of affection, and maybe they even like the attention.

Anyone who has been in a relationship with an INTJ should chime in too, for the perspective from the other side.






Nobody really likes to be the white mouse, so you would get nervous if you can experience the tools that extract information about you. We are happier living in a strange equilibrium of two sides, secretly thinking that they know the other person better, and at the same time honestly respecting the (relatively) inexplicable capability of the other side to know us. To remind you, ENFPs, exactly like INTJs, hate to be under someone's control, and are too free-spirited. The balance of healthy misunderstanding keeps each side under the impression that it has the control, and the other side doesn't, when in fact, the control is mixed up in a good bond.

Boredom is a problem of any relationship, but characters like INTJ and ENFP have also the ability to re-invent their partner, i.e. to influence each other to grow in new directions and become interesting again. As long as this is mutual, the system can be self-sustainable.

Haha I don't think that an ENFP could get bored with an INTJ, especially in a relationship scenario. You guys are way too much of a 'challenge' for us ENFPs to take on (as in getting you to open up to us, etc) for us to get bored. I guess maybe if the INTJ did not give in to our silly ENFP ways for a really long time it would end in some sort of stale mate....although I bet the ENFP would still every now and then retry to 'crack' the INTJ. Also you guys are WAY too interesting and indulge us in our curiosity way too much for us to get 'bored.' I also love all the awesome ideas/theories that you guys are constantly cooking up in your heads . Also, I love learning about new things and I find that being with an INTJ (my boyfriend is one ) exposes me to new ideas every day. So, in order for an ENFP to somehow finally get bored with an INTJ I think that they would have to never let the ENFP into that amazing mind.

Also, to say something about the topic at hand I agree with what enWTFp said about us analyzing INTJs in our own ENFP way. I am constantly analyzing people and noticing what they do, especially those close to me. I have a bad habit of constantly over-deconstructing each social situation and trying to find the 'reasons' or feelings, really behind each person's action(s.) Even moreso I like to stipulate on possible situations that could arise and this stipulating is never ending! (I guess I can thank my P for that, huh?) But anyway, now that I have again gotten off topic I think that INTJs provide an endless amount of analyzing for ENFPs because you guys are so complicated and mysterious (and awesome!) Once an ENFP begins to 'de-code' their INTJ a little they start to feel very close to them, feel very special that their INTJ has let them in (even if only a little) and this I think adds to the deep sexual satisfaction on the ENFPs side. It's (obviously) harder for me to speak for the INTJ side but maybe the unexpectedness of letting someone in (as one does in a relationship) and getting close to someone they are attracted to (as opposed to a friend) leads to the satisfaction they experience in sexual fulfillment (of a relationship.) I think that the INTJ/ENFP relationship is perfect for fulfilling both the INTJ and ENFP in the ways I have listed above. Hope that was relevant to the post, I'm bored in class and I kind of went off on a disorganized tangent in true ENFP style, haha

Once INTJs find a true friend, they keep them. To everyone in my life who I've met that I've considered a true friend, I've made it a point to either still be friends with them, or if we've drifted apart, to keep tabs on them. It may seem like the INTJ may want to discard their partner or friend once they have nothing more to learn from them, but INTJs don't consider true friends to be tools. An INTJ discards something if they no longer have any use for it, and have no attachment. I think the ENFP-INTJ relationship is really good because they both bring out a side of each other that wouldn't normally come out, so that helps both sides develop, so that keeps things entertaining.

I posted this at INTJforums, but after reading a few of your comments on the "INTJ's attractiveness" thread, I thought I'd share it here too.  It was a spur-of-the-moment gift to the love of my life, and it's TRUE!
10)He can find anything.
Me: "honey, where are my glasses?"
INTJ: "beside the bed, behind the water glass, and possibly under the large stuffed turtle that the kids threw there."

9) I can make a joke about transparent aluminum, and he GETS it!

8) He doesn't mind me being a little bit Rachel Ray-plus-Joss Whedon, as long as I don't mind him being a little bit Tony Stark-plus-Mr. Spock.

7) From Please Understand Me: "INTJ's approach sex as a technique to be mastered, and get much gratification from pleasing their partner."

6) INTJ's *love* to master techniques.

5) If I want something different in the relationship, I can just ASK for it. Neither one of us are aware of whatever dumb social rules are *suppossed* to apply, so we don't care. Me: "honey, I wish you would tell me u loved me more often." INTJ: (enters into his phone, "tell ENFP you love her every day by 3pm") "ok."

4) I never have to feel guilty about wanting to learn a new art form: anything I want to learn has some sort of gadget, chemical, or computer program that he can geek out on too. 

3) Reading the ad copy on www.thinkgeek.com can provide us both with hours of free entertainment.

2) Three Words that make our skin tingle: Firefly Date Night.

1) He can say, "I'm not going anywhere," and I know I can believe him

Has any other ENFP noticed that they are so intrigued by INTJs? They are enigmas!  So brooding, intelligent, and private. What is it about them? When asked, can you pin it down?

INTJs and ENFPs intrigue each other because we have similarities, but we're vastly different. We puzzle each other. >.> And both types love a good challenge. INTJs want people to make sense...and ENFPs just want to know everything we possibly can about everything.

I have recently come to realize that INTJs and ENFPs have the same tendency to hide their own intelligence. INTJs do so to avoid being bothered and because they like being underestimated as it puts them at an advantage. ENFPs do so because...we'd rather not be as intelligent as we are. Plus, I think ENFPs are perfectionists at heart, and knowing our own sad shortcomings with procrastination and the like as we do, it's easier to pretend like we're really as naive and simple as we sometimes come across. But INTJs are insightful creatures who notice very quickly that there's wit behind that friendly grin....and ENFPs sense more beneath the surface of the stoic INTJ than is readily visible. ENFPs are rather disarming with our direct, forthright, and genuine manner....some immature ones even coming off as waaaaaaaaaaay too forward and perhaps a bit clingy and desperate for attention. The INTJ is intrigued by this strange mixture of honesty, wit, random humor, and an almost naive outlook on people. >.> I think, over time, it brings out the more protective instincts in the INTJ, lest we poor little generous fools be taken advantage of by the cruel people of the world.

I agree that it has something to do with inherent intelligence, in that INTJs are those who despise stupidity and ENFPs can't get by in so many social circles without being smart enough to keep up conversation. I do know that as soon as I get my INTJs talking about whatever it is that they're an expert at they could go for hours!

The attraction works both ways but it is more likely for the ENFP to make the first step - cause they are the E in the relationship ofc.
The ENFPs and the INTJs are both looking for something interesting and challenging. ENFPs are good at people detection cause they use people`s feelings to understand them, but when they meet the emotionless INTJ they have difficulties understanding their personality as it is only based on logic.
INTJs analyze people when they find the pattern of their behavior based on some logic. As ENFPs are not based on logic they seem random to the INTJ and so they become interested in their personality.
As both types are strong Ns they are always developing and changing and so the fun never stops.

At least that`s my theory (R).

I don't see any link to domestic violence in this song - what I'm hearing is a story of longing & inability to commit, which defies the feminine stereotype, but we all read different things into music & lyrics.

Always. I can put on my service face (from working with people) and "act" normal long enough for a quick exchange, but anything more than that people just don't know how to react. There is a level of intensity they just don't know how to deal with. Even long time friends react to it if I don't keep it suppressed.

Best I can tell it's my willpower. People just "feel" it and don't know what it is they feel. At least that comes from the few friends who have ever brought it up. Willpower and confidence are not the same. People are impressed by confidence, even if there is nothing to back it up. The average person has very little willpower, unless driven by an emotion, though they might have a ton of confidence. Anger or love has an exponential effect on an individual's willpower. Mine, however, I am constantly trying to suppress because I know it makes people feel uncomfortable.

The stronger the willpower of the person I am talking to, the less they seem to be affected, the more I can be myself. Typically that requires someone ten to fifteen years older than me, or another NT. Even then it's still a small number of people who don't feel intimidated.

That's just my opinion of it, anyway. It is at times infuriating because I can only ever be myself when no one else is around. It's the only time there is no risk of intimidating anyone.


I've noticed, too, that since I managed to piss off my ISFP "friend," she will hang with her little posse the entire time I'm at the barn - now this is someone who I've known for nearly 5 years, we've hung out numerous times, yet ONE time I'm honest with her about being upset about some stuff, and she is reacting like I've suddenly become an ax murderer. Apparently, if I'm not shoveling sunshine and daisies up her rather large ass, then I must be waiting in the shadows to launch a full on assault. 

I don't warm up to people very quickly, but it's because I have had a tendency to piss people off rather quickly by either being too honest or sarcastic. Due to this track record, I tend to stick to the sidelines until I get comfortable around someone and they get to know me.


apparently I walk around with a "stay the fuck away from me" expression on my face without realizing it. It's more to do with the fact that I'm always deep in thought and less because I always consciously think "don't talk to me".


I once, quite randomly, said I could see a future as a hit man. Three friends in the room agreed immediately, without hesitation. They were not joking, or even lightly humorous, they were completely sincere. I was far more reactive to their lack of reaction than anything they responded with.

I was quite shocked. I could have picked up assassins r us and started looking for jobs and I don't think it would have phased them.
Months later I am still not sure what to think about it.

Years before another friend had a dream where I had gone on a rampage and was walking around with a sword in one hand and a duffle bag with the heads of all my other friends in the other.

More recently one of my friends had a dream where I was an evil sorcerer who could transform into a dragon, and was supposed to have met her much earlier in her life and was originally intended to control all of her life through dark magic.

I must affect their sub-conscious much more than it appears.






My closest INTJ friend, (I happen to be in an ideal environment for NTs to congregate), is intimidating.

The INTJ always has a condescending expression on his/her face, and says things in such a fashion, it feels you're a child being scolded for doing something wrong. [Considering what NTs value the most, the INTP feels guilty of stupidity.] INTJs can lower one's self-image during the encounter; they absolutely radiate signals of "silent criticism", as if they're picking you to pieces inside their heads, and without mercy.

Being a perceiver means that I'll spend a lot more time on one idea until it becomes incomprehensively abstract, whereas, INTJs seem to be more pragmatic. (As in they are happy to make conclusions about the inconclusive). This gets me nervous because I place a very high value on the way I play with ideas, and having them misinterpreted as concrete is something I try to avoid. 

I'm right on the cusp for my T/F and J/P so on odd days I have had this effect on people. That makes it a whole lot easier to understand.






People usually find me intimidating. I don't know why that is. When a group of people are having a conversation I rarely say anything, instead I just stand and stare. I think people find it weird or strange. 
I'm fairly hard talking to as I prefer to talk about something relevant. If I have to talk it has to be something which can lead to a heavy conversation instead of small talk. I find small talk unimportant, actually. I don't have much to say when it comes to that. The topic dies awfully fast and it gets awkward. Then I would rather dealing with saying nothing.






As long as you don't act like you know something you don't or make grand (all inclusive/exclusive) statements - you should be alright. Nothing fires us up like talking with someone who clearly has no clue what they're talking about. Not that it makes us mad - but it sure makes things fun for us =).

Other than that - yeah we look angry all the time I guess, but we sure protect our own (equip them before arguments, strategy before conflict/debates, and jump in if necessary to help out).

You want a good INTJ on your team, not "theirs" =P




Do I respond with typical snark here? Do you think we spend our days looking at people seeing how they can be used and they are of no benefit they are worthy only of our scorn?

Sometime it would be nice to engage in light banter with a peer, or be cool/suave when attempting to charm a member of the opposite sex. 

Our failure in those areas comes more from our hardwiring, which in turn leads to a lack of a practice. This cycle reinforces itself. Most times when I sense people are unnerved by me while conversing; I think they believe I am being critical of them in my head. Instead my head is racing to find the most appropriate reply, examining how my reply could misinterpreted based up my tone, inflection, or double meanings. Then thinking about what the person could say in response to my response so that I have good odds of coming up with what, in my mind, is a suitable response to that. 

This is an exhausting process.