I see people actively pursue social conventions and behaviors in ways beyond rationality...seemingly eager to be liked by others...even if they realize it's all bs

now, don't get me wrong, i also do it but i guess i tend to do it much less than the average...i just can't "accept" things to be like that...feels so fake. i know part of that is emotional maturity, but still...my rational side tends to prevail

additionally, i do not feel too engaged with daily, "human" affairs.....making me seem distant or quiet....yet when i open my mouth i can be an engaging and witty speaker....only times i feel more inclined to follow average affairs is when i have to put real effort into something and/or when i feel i am surrounded by people i like...at those times...doing normal things feels natural.....

the rest of the time....it is close to me feeling like my body is just a vehicle for the real me....unmotivated by going out for drinks or extensively engaging in small talk for the sake of it..

some might argue that i am close to being clinically depressed...but i actually feel that i am filled with energy and clarity.....yet i don't seem to find a matching external world.....


any thoughts on this?

disclaimer: yes, may sound arrogant and what not....i'm just being transparent here, saying it like i feel it.