iv become so numb

Honestly? After a while, you become numb to it. You realize that there's a reason people don't wanna be around you, and that you're worthless and you'd only weigh people down. Sounds kinda harsh, but after you get over that...you just kinda exist. You fill the holes as best you can with whatever distractions you choose, and you just live your days out. S'how I've been for longer than I care to remember.