Telebye byee

Time for Tele-bye bye!

God.. Im staring at the Teletubies right now and im so pissed

You all know what Teletubbies are. You all know that you want them to die. I'm no different than the rest of the world. The Teletubbies need to go.

Let us define Telebubby:
Teletubby - noun. A being made entirely of fat and coloured fur. It sports an antennae like thingie on its head and a "TV" in its stomach. It has very small vocabulary consisting mainly of the words "again" and "uh-oh."

Teletubbies gave children's educational TV shows a bad name. Remember Sesame Street? That's what a children's show should be like. It's fun AND educational! There's Elmo, and Big Bird, and Gonzo, Kermit, Miss Piggy...no wait. But now we have Tinky Winky, Dipsy, La La, and Po. Satan's pawns as I call them. Now I'm going to list everything they do in each episode (if you watch it a lot, it's pretty predictable as to what they're going to do) and comment on it. My rage is big. As big as my eyes... First, the sun and the narrator begin, along with that annoying speaker. The sun comes up (with a baby face in it?!) and then: "Time for Teletubbies! Time for Teletubbies!" SHUT UP. Get the freakin' tubbies an alarm clock. It's like a boot camp or something. They live by the rules of whatever yells at them. And then the song that's possibly become more famous than Barney's "I love you, you love me." The whole song consists of one freakin' line that's repeated over and over and over. There's only one reason why it would repeat like that: subliminal message. There has got to be a subliminal message somewhere in that song because without one I think the kids would actually be afraid of Teletubbies.

After the song, the episode opens up with them in their house, where their vacuum cleaner "mother" is sucking up the dirt that is not there. The vacuum cleaner has got to be the single most annoying thing in television ever! Ever sucked up the remains of your drink with a straw in an attempt to fully clean out the cup/can? Well, the noise you make while doing that is what the vacuum cleaner makes. The whole freakin' time it's there all you hear is that annoying sound! Is that supposed to entertain the children? I don't think so. Then we have "Tubby custard time." The Teletubbies do their morning ritual of getting out of bed, doing some crap, then repeat. Once again, annoying. "Tubby custard! Tubby custard!" is what we hear next. Now, do they each have to say that like 50 times?! They want it so bad, yet they stand there yelling about it! What, you think the vacuum cleaner is going to get it for you? I'm so sure it will. Let's keep yelling "Tubby custard!" until it does. When they finally do get their custard, one of them ends up spilling it. I wouldn't be so sad if that happened to me. The stuff looks like vomit mixed with whipped cream anyways. Okay, I'm getting sick now...

After Tubby custard, the real fun begins! The dancing, the singing, the LSD, and more! Yeah, real fun. That's all they do every episode. The same dance with the same song is done every time. I think I've even memorized the steps.
1. jump, jump, jump
2. clap while jumping some more
3. do some crap the is supposed to be dancing
4. repeat
Well, it's something like that. Drugs are also a big part of the average Tubby day. LSD. The speaker comes out of the ground and tells the Tubbies something, then they sit around the lake and see bizarre things. Sometimes it's a bunch of ships doing a dance, sometimes it's a crousel playing wonderful LSD music. This is probably the only real educational part of the show, as you get to see what it would be like if you were on LSD without taking it. Now I have another reason to not to do drugs! Booya!

When the LSD tones down, that speaker comes out yet again (I think. I have to check back on an episode). Does anyone know why a speaker would be in the middle of "Tubby Land" anyways? There's got to be some kind of a factory or machine underground that operates it. But why is it there? I guess that speaker is kind of like our Stonehenge. People accept its presence, but don't know why the it's there. Anyways, the "teles" on the Tubby's tummies (try saying that 10 times fast! Gets annoying...) start to glow and this magical force randomly chooses one of them to host the channel they'll watch, which apparently is some kind of a spy cam. They always show children which is giving me the idea that the Teletubbies are into child porn. And the children in their child pornography tend to enjoy it. Isn't child porn illegal? I mean, these hideous monsters are randomly choosing children all over the UK to spy on. At least their sexual tastes aren't very sexual, otherwise this show would be the sickest thing ever. Teletubby fetishes include children singing songs, waving to people, acting like idiots, playing games, etc. Hey, I think Majin Vejita is into that stuff too...the porn goes on for about 5 or 6 minutes. When it's all over, you give a big sigh of relief. BUT WAIT! What's this? This is The Movie Network?! You mean it's gonna play all over again?! Yep, you guessed it. The Tubbies recite their favourite line "Again, again!" and the magical force grants them their wish. So we end up getting a double dose of child porn.

When the child porn is FINALLY over, we get more dancing. Yes. A lot of the same stuff goes on for a while. Gay dancing, lesbian sex, murderous rabbits. You heard me. The producers of that show need to get better brains. They hire little 6 year olds to write out every script, which is why there is absolutely no script. Here is what I think goes on in the studio:
"Okay, now get some Tubby custard."
"Alright, now dance."
"Jump."
"Dance more."
"And repeat."
Taping one of their episodes is like taking a dance class. They teach you the steps, and you keep doing them over and over.

When the day is over, the speaker (damn you!) comes out again and tells them "Time for tele-bye bye!" The Teletubbies make an attempt to say goodbye, end up doing it wrong, and like everything else on the show, have to repeat it. They all say "bye bye" like retards. Like they have speech problems. Teletubbies are like underdeveloped babies, or aborted babies. They look dumb, they act dumb, they are dumb. No offence to underdeveloped babies who can't even read this... Blah, blah, blah, more stuff happens. Narrator talks while no one listens, the baby/sun makes some demented noise and sinks back into the ground. And that is your average Teletubby episode. G'day.