dad

It's probably a lot of things stemming from his own youth and his own father, the cultural environment he grew up in, and how his brain is built. It's clear he's always had certain ideas and expectations about you, but was unprepared for how you grew away from them. These aren't abnormal or unusual crises to have with a parent, so don't feel as though you're alone or isolated when it comes to having a very difficult relationship with your father.

If he's uncomfortable talking with you about you —it probably puts him on the spot and reveals to him how much he's failed you, and that makes the guilt all the more intense— then give him a letter. It'll be there for him to read when he's ready, but it will drag on his conscience much more than if you try and sit down with him. In that letter, you can describe yourself and your dreams and your accomplishments so far, and you can also express just what you did to us: that you love him even when you have little in common. And you can say, if you believe it yourself, that you'll have that love for him, no matter how the times get difficult with his personality or inattentiveness.

You might also want to look to your own ideas and expectations for what a father is supposed to be and see if you aren't holding him to an ideal a more honest examination will reveal as impossible or highly improbable for him to attain. Some dads just suck. But you love yours, so how that love negotiates through the ideals you hold your father to makes a world of difference for how these kinds of emotional distance will be overcome.