I just woke up about 2 hours ago, had to take a nap. I've been exhausted and sleepy, blame it on the World Cup and me watching Wuthering Heights till about 4 am in the morning the night before. Anyway, i have a Malay paper later in the morning @
Okay so it's finally dawned on me that I'm going nowhere with my fondness for Esther and I think I'm starting to forget why i ever liked her. I can't really see the 2 of us being anywhere anymore. We've been so akward and uncomfortable with each other for 3 months so far. I don't see a possibility of ever changing the way things are as it is nowadays. I'd really like to hope that we could somehow salvage our friendship but I reckon she'll never be a close friend or a good one anymore.
To be honest, I'm starting to find her very very boring and lame. It's been a really long time since she's ever told me ,personally, anything interesting that's been going on in her life, no funny moments, incidents from the holidays or jokes. When we're together its always akward silence. I can't come up with anything to make her laugh or interest her, out of fear of sounding ridiculous or stupid. I'd really rather much be satisfied just holding our tongues when we're together, it's nice just knowing she's there thou we can barely create a good conversation/discussion.
Anyway yeah, this is pretty much what i've been thinking about in my head so far. I really don't know what's going in her mind, I just want to tell her "Hey! I'll be here for you, you know, even though we really don't talk that much I'd like to listen and help you out"
I really really really just want things to be the way they were before, not that before was really good anyway, it's just better than where we are now.
We're in the middle of a highway, I can't move or i'll get hit.
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