Part 1.

To: Furqan Fakar.

Hey man, The reason i'm writing this letter to you is because i can't bring myself to say this to you in person and even if i do i would probably end up making this sound like its nothing when in fact what i'm about to tell you is really really bothering me and has only caused me so much frustration and anger. I've told myself countless of times to not write this letter, i know it's very un manly but this is the only way i can get this out to you, and i don't want you to get the wrong opinion of what i say and furthermore it's best i write down everything that i would like to tell you but can't.

So you and Esther are really close and i know its more than just casual friends you're probably literally her best bud and from her blog post " the only few that i can relate to. not forgetting fakar. He needs to be there to make my life in MI more interesting:) " I don't know your reaction towards this comment from her but boy i do envy you. I envy you a lot. I am extremely jealous and frustrated, I felt really down and upset when i first read this i felt really blue and helpless. She can relate to you more than me. And she blogs about you and stuff, it's like? What am i to her? Do i mean anything at all to her? Can't she see i'm here trying to win her heart and be there for her. I'm trying really hard and you know.. You get all the affection, it kills me to know that there's someone else who can make her more happy than i can.


In school, she sits next you, she's more comfortable with you. I noticed she switched her seating position in Maths class and is no longer sitting infront of me but now next to you, and you're a good distance away from my table and at first i was having mixed feelings but i just brushed it off aside. Now i see her standing next to you during flag raising and you guys are always in the same bus that i'm in and you're sitting next to her while i stand there infront of the 2 doors, I don't even get a call out or any acknowledgment of me being in the bus, I never get invited to sit with you guys. You guys have your own conversation and i'm never included or part of what you guys are talking about, and the worst thing is you guys don't even regard what i feel inside. I'm sitting infront of the 2 of you, you know i like her but you just keep talking and talking and she keeps whispering and giggling. I don't know what else to say. I sit down at the table silently observing trying to figure out what i can say. Waiting for an opportunity to attach myself to the conversation and make a point out but they never come. There are days when i feel completely helpless and keep to my own thoughts and i wonder to myself why can't i be you.


The 2 of you make plans to hang out with each other after school and i know she messages you a lot. What i'm trying to say is. Put yourself in my shoes, try going to school everyday and seeing the girl you like, always talking to me, smiling and laughing at my jokes hitting me playfully and asking me if i'm okay whenever i look off, walk with me to different classes together, constantly asking you where i am whenever i'm late for reccess or when i'm late for school. Changing seats to ones next to me, Engaging in private conversations with me, tell me stuff only you can wish she would tell you, introduce her friends to me, blog about me and not about you, tell me she really enjoys my company when you're always trying to get her to talk to you, make you a really awesome birthday card when you didn't even get 1 from her and you actually went to the point of planning a surprise for her. 


okay okay.. I KNOW I KNOW I'M TO BE BLAMED For not being close to her. It's not you, really it's not your problem honestly, it really isn't. It's mine i'm too shy i can't be myself around her. it's so difficult to be myself because i don't know if she'll like the real me. I'm really loud and i joke a lot, i used to be really funny, i can't now it's so difficult because i just can't pull it off when i'm nervous and every time i'm with her i get butterflies in my tummy. I quiver and i think really hard before i say. My palms get sweaty, i start perspiring and my knees get shaky. I knew i should have intervened and done something when she switched places with me in class and started sitting next to you, i knew i had to stop you from getting too close with her or she'll be attached to you and enjoy your company. But i couldn't cos she was so happy with you, she was really really happy. I couldn't bring myself to come in between the both of you cause i only want to see her smile and hear her laugh. 


But i can't take it anymore. There's no one i can talk to in class. There's no one to brighten my day, there's no one to stick up for the things i say and i'm trying really hard to change my old ways and become a better person, and this is probably part of the change. You guys are helping me change and i appreciate that but i'm really starting to feel all alone in school. 


So......... Dude please please, hurry up and get with your girl and let me spend some time with Esther. I can't get to know her more and she'll never know me at all if you're always with her, you're in my way and I don't like it. BUT I CANT BRING MYSELF TO GET CLOSE TO her. Give me time man, give me time. So i  hope you cook up something really good during this June holidays and make it official with you know who and give me some time with Esther alone? Please...


From, Dick


( Note: It's not you it's mostly me k ) 
No hard feelings.