Getting shit.

Don't you just hate being let down, when you're hopes were high. The feeling of being dissapointed ,that emptiness in you, that sad sore feeling in your mind, in your heart. Yeah. It's okay to get rejected / turned down / said no to in the face. But it really sucks to hold onto the thought of a better tmrw only to see it crumble and fade away. I was so cocky, i was so full of myself. What was i thinking? How could i be so naive to believe that i actually could have stood a chance. I didn't even worry the least bit about it.

While walking down the streets of Peninsula Plaza today, in high spirits anticipating the Rugby match between JJ and MI. I heard the buzzing of my iphone's msg tone, i reached for my phone in my pocket and pulled it out.
It read:
Dear student, we regret to
inform you have not been
selected for the Germany
trip. Thank you for your
interest.
My mind just went blank with disbelief. Me? Me? Is this really happening to me? After all the encouragement i recieved from my friends and teachers, all those false hope? All those self praises i gave myself. Why do people raise your hopes only to make your fall harder.

Last year, i was suppose to get a job at the sentosa resort, i was so happy. Thinking of all the possibilities i could do with the money and the people i'd meet. I waited for a month only to find out i couldn't get the job.

This year, i made the rugby first team, everyone was saying hey that guy has the size, the sprint and the commitment. I was recieving alot of encouragement. I thought i was the best amongst the pre-u 1s. Only to find out that i didn't make it to the A div's first team.

I was getting close to Poojah and i thought i could score a one night stand with her only to get my self ratted out by a dog.

When Furqan told me Esther asked if i liked her. I was given the impression that i was getting somewhere with her. Only to see My dreams shattered when she kept a distance away from me the next week.

I thought i could make it as a student councillor, i was short listed. Only to miss my interview.

Why do i keep hurting myself?