Started lifting some time in 2008. It's been a big part of my life since. I like getting stronger, making progress, breaking through barriers, challenging myself physically, all that sort of thing. Every day, I'm physically stronger and more capable than the day before.

And at the same time, I'm mentally tougher and have more perseverence than I've ever had. I'm less critical and more positive and constructive than I used to be. I have a more open mind and I've questioned my own beliefs while honing the beliefs and ideas that stick.

I challenge myself. I actively try to learn as much as I can about everything. I've developed eclectic tastes in various things and I think it's made me a more interesting and unique person. I like that I'm a powerlifter who digs reading about theoretical physics (seriously, it's cool stuff). I like being a bona-fide thrash-metal guitarist who loves the Pixies and the Eagles and John Coltrane. I try really, really hard and in most ways, I genuinely like the human being I've become.

But other people seems not to share my opinion. Oddly, I had a lot of friends in high school when I was still a big fat miserable fuck. Over the last few years, I've lost contact with most of those people for a variety of (amicable) reasons and I haven't made any friends to replace them. I used to feel a sense of belonging. Even if it was to an arbitrary subset, I used to identify with people.

In September, I went back to school in no small part because at work I felt surrounded by very dull people who seem content to live in painfully small worlds. Unfortunately, I found the only difference between co-workers and the college students I'm around now is the latter's self-importance and sense of entitlement. I find myself drained and disheartened by every interaction with them.

I don't think I'm lacking in social skills. I can be fun and flippant and make casual conversation. I can flirt shamelessly with pretty girls and they seem to dig it. But it's not satisfying interaction. I know that if I act like "me", if I even brushed against topics that are significant to me in conversation, if I stray briefly from my 100% self-conscious monitoring, I'm looked at like a sociopath.

I know that relationships are a give-and-take situation; I have no issue with that. But it seems for all the world like I've got a choice to either act like myself and be isolated or suppress the person I like being and feel isolated.

It's a very discouraging situation.